a99kitten's Musings

My husband has some douchebag friends. I have always known this and, of course, this is probably what most girlfriends or wives think about at least 1 friend of their boyfriend or husband so it’s not news. And I don’t *really* care. But today it just set me off.

Husband went snowboarding with a few friends and apparently one asked why I never go. What do I do all day? Gee…I wonder if husband told him that I supervised the magic fairies who clean the entire house? Or do who the laundry? Or who pay all the bills? Or who take the huskies out for hours on end? Or, when back at home and not in Tahoe, run all of the errands? This is of course after work or on the weekends. After she has worked 50-60 hours a week for 2 companies? And who finally takes an hour or 2 to watch a movie or read for herself…by herself? No…I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the answer husband gave.

Probably also wonders why I don’t want to spend time with his lame ass friends…

http://myyellowstonewolves.typepad.com/myw/2010/02/valentines-day-for-wolves.html

http://www.meridiangraphics.net/lupercalia.htm

That sounds like a much more interesting celebration for February!! (excepting any of the animal sacrifice stuff  of course – yuck!)

Did anyone really celebrate wolves back then though since they are always made out (unfairly) to be the villain is so many old tales? But maybe those were all post Roman tales and these people were more enlightened.

I would much prefer a holiday where we celebrated and gave wolf-adorned cards, etc than a fat little naked cherub. But that’s me :)

So then they went on to split off from Vulcan and be bad guys, right? :)

The story of the (kinda sorta likely) origins of the original “valentines cards” (love notes) is cool.

We seem to have the Cadbury Brothers to blame for the onslaught of hearty-shaped candy (genius business move  though so I can’t really blame them.)

Chocolate entered the Valentine’s Day ritual relatively late. The Conquistadors brought chocolate to Spain in 1528 and while they knew how to make cocoa from the beans, it wasn’t until 1847 that Fry & Sons discovered a way to make chocolate edible. Twenty years later, the Cadbury Brothers discovered how to make chocolate even smoother and sweeter. By 1868, the Cadburys were turning out the first boxed chocolate. They were elaborate boxes made of velvet and mirrors and retained their value as trinket-boxes after the chocolate was gone. Richard Cadbury created the first heart-shaped Valentine’s Day box of candy sometime around 1870.

But to be honest, I like Valentine’s Day. Mostly because I love all holidays and any reason to do something different.  I loved giving out and receiving little cards in school. I saw some cool Star Wars ones at the store last week and *almost* bought them. I did buy the Chewie GRRRAAAW Valentine’s card and sent it to my brother who will get a kick out of it.

Do I think it should be as big of deal as it is. Probably not. Especially when I see all the stupid, cheesy crap they pump out for people who have no imagination or forethought. I think proposing or getting married on Valentine’s Day sounds like a very bad, bad idea. When I was single, my friends and I would just plan something fun. Celebrating the “Day of Love doesn’t have to mean only romantic love.  Just a reminder to be extra nice, eat some chocolate, buy some pretty flowers (even if for yourself – they are pretty and smell nice!) and drink a glass a bubbly (which I am always a fan of!)

A good friend’s birthday is on February 14th. She hated it when she was younger but no longer minds it. Would be much worse to have a birthday on Christmas I think! Unless you’re a baby Jesus I suppose… ;)

But my Valentine’s Day celebration is to donate money to some wolves today…they need the help a lot more than I need the cash. No matter how much or how little, it’s MY monthly ritual. “Civilized” Man has done their best to try and wipe out this awesome animal instead of celebrate it as another creature who deserves to live on this planet just as much (and in many cases much more) than humans…

http://www.defenders.org/support_us/index.php

http://www.californiawolfcenter.org/links.htm

So a Happy Valentine’s, Lupercalia, Sunday or 3rd day of Olympics to you! :)

Funny. People have asked me in my life how I’ve done something, put up with something, dealt with something, whatever…

My answer is typically the same: whatever, deal with it, suck it up, rub some dirt on it, etc, etc.

Separately, completely…there is always this:

Cancer and Independence:
Cancer is the astrology sign that is packed full of contradictions so when it comes to independence, they possibly can or can not be independent. On one side, they have the perseverance and drive to do what needs to be done, they are self-sufficient and do not need to depend on other people for the material and physical things in life. On the other hand, they depend on people for emotional support and encouragement. A Cancer that is not fully self-actualized will need the constant support of others and will not be very independent but the Cancer that is ‘evolved’ and has properly harnessed their emotional issues will be wildly successful as an independent human being. They crave attention and comfort from other people and they are happiest when they have a small, close knit group of friends or family.

Cancer in a Nutshell:
Cancer is a mysterious sign, filled with contradictions. They want security and comfort yet seek new adventure. They are very helpful to others yet sometimes can be cranky and indifferent. Cancer has a driving, forceful personality that can be easily hidden beneath a calm, and cool exterior. The crab is Cancer’s ruling animal and it suits them well, they can come out of their shell and fight but they can also hide in their shell of skitter away back into the depths of the ocean. They are very unpredictable. With cancer, there is always something more that meets the eye, for they are always partially hidden behind the shell. They are a have a deep psyche and intuitive mind that is hidden from the world. Cancer is deeply sensitive and easily hurt, this might be why they have their defense shell in place, to avoids being hurt by others. They are nurturers so they surround themselves with people, whom after a while can offend or hurt a cancer without even knowing they did so, therefore Cancer’s protective shell keeps them safe from hurt. They are complex, fragile, unpredictable and temperamental and need constant support and encouragement, more then any other astrology signs, Cancer needs to be needed. When cancer gets the support it needs, it has a tremendous amount to offer in return. When cancer gets offended, they tend to sulk instead of confronting the persons face to face. This needlessly prolongs the pain and suffering. Cancer is very possessive, not just with material possessions but with people as well. Cancer will always want to stay in touch with old friends and anyone who has ever been close to them, because it is easier to maintain a friendship then attempt to learn to trust a new person. It is easier this way for them emotionally. If you befriend a Cancer, you will stay friends for a long time. Cancer makes the perfect mother, this is the sign that represents motherhood. They have unconditional love and caring more so then any other astrology sign. Cancer are very intuitive. Most of the psychics of the world are Cancer astrology signs. They have an excellent memory and are very observant and can read people very well. They can usually tell of other people’s intentions are good or not. Never dupe a Cancer, they can see your motives. Cancer has a lot of emotional issues to deal with but once they overcome this large hump of shyness and insecurity, there is practically nothing they can’t do. With their strong intuition, sensitivity, powers of observation and intelligence, they will have great success in anything they undertake.

Now, do I believe in astrology? Nope, not really, I do not. Can I deny this describes me pretty darn well? No, I cannot. Generalities tend to work pretty well – religion figured this out pretty early on. Sucks people in for sure.

But do I know for sure it’s crap? No. Like all belief systems, I have no idea for sure. No one does. That’s why hokey religion and ancient weapons are genius. They are needed. But no match for a good blaster at your side…

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100203/ap_on_bi_ge/us_stocks__bad_is_good

“It’s called a short squeeze, and though many Americans don’t know such a thing exists, much less understand it, it’s driving up many stocks.”

Really? Do people just not know or understand the stock market? I LOVE this stuff!! It’s also important for people to understand how the market works. So many people have a 401k account, or a pension, or a stock plan. Does everyone need to be a fund manager? No. But knowing all of the basics should be mandatory learning in school nowadays. IMO…

Short sellers have always been vilified. The hedge fund I worked at did a LOT of shorting and made a LOT of money from it. Ferreting out bad companies who would lie to their investors, pump up their stock price, had NO earnings.  Short sellers didn’t create these situations – they found them out.

Can there be bad people short selling and driving good companies down? Of course. Like in everything, there will be bad people taking advantage of situations. i.e people shorting airline stocks around 9/11.

It’s much riskier than going long. And they have put in more rules over the years to try and keep it “fair”. But if you see an opportunity where a company is over-valued and the market is  not correcting it, there is nothing wrong with betting against it.

It’s a market counter-balance. It truly is when the value of information is a motto (as Gordon Gekko knew.)

You know…if you read this speech…if you truly listen to what he is saying…he is right. Look past the trendy “hate Wall Street” rhetoric being bandied about by our current President and media. Look at what is being said here and think about what is *truly* being said….

Gekko: Well, I appreciate the opportunity you’re giving me, Mr. Cromwell, as the single largest shareholder in Teldar Paper, to speak.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, we’re not here to indulge in fantasy, but in political and economic reality. America, America has become a second-rate power. Its trade deficit and its fiscal deficit are at nightmare proportions. Now, in the days of the free market, when our country was a top industrial power, there was accountability to the stockholder. The Carnegies, the Mellons, the men that built this great industrial empire, made sure of it because it was their money at stake. Today, management has no stake in the company!

All together, these men sitting up here [Teldar management] own less than 3 percent of the company. And where does Mr. Cromwell put his million-dollar salary? Not in Teldar stock; he owns less than 1 percent.

You own the company. That’s right — you, the stockholder.

And you are all being royally screwed over by these, these bureaucrats, with their steak lunches, their hunting and fishing trips, their corporate jets and golden parachutes.

Cromwell: This is an outrage! You’re out of line, Gekko!

Gekko: Teldar Paper, Mr. Cromwell, Teldar Paper has 33 different vice presidents, each earning over 200 thousand dollars a year. Now, I have spent the last two months analyzing what all these guys do, and I still can’t figure it out. One thing I do know is that our paper company lost 110 million dollars last year, and I’ll bet that half of that was spent in all the paperwork going back and forth between all these vice presidents.

The new law of evolution in corporate America seems to be survival of the unfittest. Well, in my book you either do it right or you get eliminated. In the last seven deals that I’ve been involved with, there were 2.5 million stockholders who have made a pretax profit of 12 billion dollars. (applause) Thank you.

I am not a destroyer of companies. I am a liberator of them!

The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed — for lack of a better word — is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms — greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge — has marked the upward surge of mankind. And greed — you mark my words — will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA.

Thank you very much.”

This movie was done in 1985. Still holds true today. One could argue that you can apply this to all of the life-long politicians that have never held a real job, a job where they have been responsible for creating anything, for making sure payroll is met, making sure that shareholders receive a return on their investment. They collect their giant salaries (look it up) and benefits that our paid by us…the taxpayers. Do you really think they are any better than the purported “criminals” of Wall Street or the banks? Really? If you do, than you are truly naive…

Are there criminals on Wall Street? Of course. Are there criminals in every single line of work? Yes. Are there criminals serving as your Congressman, Senator? Yes. If you don’t think so…you are truly naive…

This country was created, built on and made into the greatest country on earth because of the entrepreneurial drive to be successful. And our current government wants to destroy that. Put everyone on a level playing field. Everyone doesn’t belong on a level playing field. Face facts – there are smarter people, harder-working people…not everyone “deserves” the same thing. Period.

One of my most favorite movies ever…

Today is January 22nd (barely anymore as I write this on the West Coast.) It’s the anniversary of Roe v. Wade. Who knew? I would not have known that had I not seen it on twitter. It’s not some date I keeping my calendar for remembrance, that’s for sure.

I ended up watching a TV show tonight (on DVR so broadcast previously) that dealt with abortion. Funny. Well…not funny ha-ha…

I had an abortion. Not a “real” one. Not a choice that I actually made. I was pregnant. The baby didn’t make it. So the doctor gives you a choice of allowing your body to deal with it naturally (which can cause complications) or you have a D&C – which is the same procedure as an abortion.

I am against abortion. If the mother is raped, or the baby is found to be abnormal after tests, then that is up to the individual. But as a form of birth control? As a way of “dealing” with a pregnancy? As a way of dealing with “oopsie” I am against it. 100% against. You can rail on me as an anti-feminist (fine, whatever – “feminists” as a whole – pathetic.) You can rail on me as a religious zealot (umm…riiight…I am so not.) I don’t ever recall discussing this subject with either parent so it is 100% my decision, my opinion. One that I will never back down from. I don’t walk around and shove my opinion down your throat, but if you ask me, I will tell you. But that’s probably all of my opinions..

I’ve read all of the arguments. I’ve seen and heard what people for and against argue. And I do not agree with all of the anti-abortion stance at all either. I just know what I feel. And…well…this is my blog.

Now, in my perfect world, it would be legal, safe and accessible when *needed* because it would only ever be used in the extreme circumstance by people that use their brains and common sense. Right….and then I wake up to the real world…

I simply do not believe, at all, the pro-abortion definition that a life is only a life once it is able to sustain outside of the mother’s womb. And frankly, anyone that has seen a preemie, can throw that argument out the fn window. Keep repeating it to yourself to make yourself feel ok though…

And If you can say you are FOR late term abortions being legal…well, in my opinion, something is wrong with you. Go to a maternity ward and look at a 7, 8 or 9 month term newborn – or younger! That’s what you are saying is OK to abort. I was one month preemie. Agreeing that 3rd term abortions are safe and OK is saying I was not a viable life. So F and then U.

Anyway, so I had the D&C procedure. It was the one of the saddest days of my entire life. As was when the doctor told me the fetus was no longer viable (doctors aren’t sure which side of the coin you fall on so they play PC.) I don’t think I’ve ever cried that much. And so deeply and from my heart and gut. And how I felt for hours, days and weeks after. The deep, seemingly unending sadness and heart break that I felt. And something that kept going through my head during this time, as I felt this way, was “People make this decision on their own? Women choose to do this? What the F is wrong with people that THIS is a “choice”?”

I can tell you this – anyone that chooses to go through this procedure, chooses to end a life, has something inside that they need to deal with. I’m not saying it can’t happen. And I’m not saying it can’t happen to good people. What I am saying – if this is an easy decision, if this is decision you just deal with and move on. And maybe even have to make again. There is something much bigger that you need to fix.

So no, I do not believe abortion should be as easy to get as a flu shot. I do not think minors should be able to get one without a parent’s knowledge. It sickens me that there are clinics and doctors devoted entirely to this and making it an easy, simple thing to obtain. Should it be entirely illegal? No. But it should be damn hard to do and it should make you think long and heard about the choices you made leading up to this choice.

I can still get sad about this. And I’m pretty tough. Everyone expected me to go on and be OK and I was. It’s something that happened and you have to deal with it. But it’s always there. And this wasn’t even a decision that I had to make. My body made it for me.

So for any blathering idiot out there who is spouting RA-RA PRO ABORTION, PRO WOMAN’S RIGHTS and wants to tell me that my opinion is stone-age and wrong. Unless you have gone through this YOURSELF – you know nothing. And should shut the hell up.

I recently finished reading “Nanny Returns”, the sequel to “The Nanny Diaries”. I liked it a lot. Was definitely a fun read that I thoroughly enjoyed. And it made me want to go rent The Nanny Diaries movie even though I’m not such a huge Scarlett Johansson fan. I thought the authors did a great job of getting us to care about Nanny’s life 12 years later but also the 2 X kids – Grayer and Stilton. I think Grayer reminded me a little of my little brother so I was especially concerned for him :) If they had written this and made it into a movie years and years ago – Leo DiCaprio would have been perfect. I have to say I was always turning the page with anticipation to find out what would happen so this is a sign of a good book to me (“A real page-turner!”) One that keeps me interested/entertained from cover to cover.

It also reminded me of when I was first reading The Nanny Diaries years ago. And how the other side of the nanny equation can go…

I used to work at a hedge fund. The Managing GP that I worked directly for had a nanny, who was possibly one of the worst human beings I have ever personally met. Wife #1 could be a runner-up though. My boss knew how I felt about his nanny but he thought she did an OK job (no, she didn’t) and she had worked for his wife for years. So when they separated, and he took the kids for his weekends or holidays, she would come with the kids to “help out”. Long story short, he eventually found out so much bad stuff about her – little things like she had sex on the household pool table while the were parents out and kids asleep upstairs, bringing multiple boyfriends/sex partners to their home while she was “watching” kids and the big one: stealing a LOT of money from various household accounts she had access to. I never said “I told you so” to my boss but he apologized to me for thinking I was the one who needed to cut her some slack. And the day she got fired was pretty darn entertaining for me.

So now “we” (=I) needed to find a replacement nanny quick. My boss was a very nice man. Very kind and generous. But he was also very demanding. When you worked for him, you were also saying “I have no personal life that can’t be interrupted by your call or request.” I worked all the time. Nothing in his life happened without my direction or organization of it. He worked even more than all the time though so can’t really fault him for expecting that. The finance industry is a high-energy place to work. It can also cause so much stress you can’t even stand it. So when he went home, he wanted no stress. Considering he was responsible for hundreds of millions of dollars and was at the office by 5am every day and researched stocks at night and on the weekends – not really too much to ask for. Once he and wife #1 separated, I started managing his household staff and personal finance as part of my job as his Executive Assistant and later added on office manager, HR and portfolio accounting as well. Oh yeah – IT too since I knew the most about our phone systems, alarm system, trading machines and office network. So I might as well be responsible for finding you a new nanny now too…

We tried out a girl that a family friend had recommended. She was Swiss. Blonde. 21-22ish. And any stereotype that you can conjure up of a dumb blond – she would meet. Although later on I did become convinced she was more manipulative and played off men using her looks than actually dumb.

On her drive over to our office for her interview she got lost so was pretty late. My boss hated late. Now, this was after I faxed her typed directions that a blind person could follow (this was pre-PDA, everyone having email, etc.) When she got there and explained to my boss how she got lost because the directions weren’t clear AND the address was wrong – I took them from her and re-read them. No…a blind person truly could have found their way using them. I showed them to my boss after the interview. He knew they were fine (he always teased that I gave him travel itineraries that a 5-yr old could follow) but he was desperate for the nanny help for his upcoming weekend (he had 4 monsters..I mean children..he did need the help) so decided it was probably her language barrier that caused the problem and that she didn’t mean to blame my directions. Uh-huh. Your kids pal.

No need to go into all of her trials and tribulations. The best one to me…the one that stands out as the “Really?” moment was when I went out to my boss’ beach house, where he spent nearly every weekend and holiday with his kids, to inspect the house after something or another. He didn’t really trust any one else but me to do stuff like that so I drove out there (2 hour drive each way) after the markets closed. Fun.

I walk in and I see these GIANT pictures made with magic marker all over the walls in the family room. I asked the nanny what the heck happened here? Her response (won’t use real names) “Jack did that.” So you were here with him when he did this I asked? “Yes.” *Me=looking at her like she was insane and waiting for the explanation that was not coming* So why did you let him do this I asked. “He said this was his house so he could.” What? He is 10. This is the answer you accepted? As the responsible adult in the house? When given to you by the 10-yr old?? It’s his house? “Yes.”

She didn’t last much longer after that.

The next nanny was a friend of mine. She was supposed to be a temporary solution: a few weeks, part-time as a favor while we looked for someone full-time and permanent. I think she still blames me for the next few years of her life…

And so when I was reading The Nanny Diaries and would come to some completely familiar event in the book, an event where any normal person would think “there is no way anyone could ever really behave like that”, I would call her and recount some ridiculous/awful/hysterical/hair-pulling event of our own. And there were plenty. We could write our own book(s). Because I was basically in charge of organizing my boss’ entire life, I interacted with her daily. Once he got married wife #2 aka Succubus Bitch, she would call me even more – usually to vent a bit so she could get it all out and there would be no need to help her hide a body.

In The Nanny Returns, there is whole circle of mommies and daddies who are some of the worst parents known to mankind. And as I read it I hoped upon hope that these characters were not based on real people and real events with names changed to protect the guilty. But I know they are real. I know parents like this exist. But do understand – there are plenty of bad employees out there too who take advantage of the wealthy situations they are hired into – I saw enough of that as well.

So when you read books like The Nanny Diaries or Nanny Returns, or the Devil Wears Prada, and roll your eyes and say there is no way people can actually be like that or expect things like that, know that they do exist. Plenty of them.

And I recommend all 3 of the books as fun reads :)

A couple months ago I got pulled over by CHP and given a ticket for running a stop sign. I did not do this. And I’m sure everyone who does do it says the same thing but I know for a fact I did not do it.

This was close to my house. Just a few blocks away actually. And it’s an intersection I go through every day on my way to work. This happened to be a Saturday in October during the Pumpkin Festival weekend. The cops were out in force – I assume to nab tourists as well as drunk drivers. I had seen CHP around and on Highway 1, pulling cars over, all week long.

I mentioned to the cop that he must be mistaken since I know I looked at the 4 different streets/traffic flows as well as looking for pedestrians since I cross at this intersection almost daily when I walk my dogs. And I have been almost taken out by jerks who DO blow through the stop sign. I explained that, frankly, I look more for dogs and their walkers at the intersection than cars so I knew I stopped fully and looked.

I speed on the freeway all the time. Daily really. And when I’ve gotten speeding tickets in the past, I don’t argue with the officer or fight them. But what I do NOT do is speed or drive recklessly in neighborhoods. I am always looking for animals or kids in the street. Always.

So when this cop first said I didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign, I said that I know I did and in fact, had stopped longer than the county community bus that had been at the stop sign in front of me. I pointed out that I am a local and stop at this intersection EVERY day. Then after giving him my license, registration and insurance information and he came back with my ticket, he said that I had blown through the stop sign. I pointed out that is not what he just said a few moments ago and that I now know he is definitely mistaken since there is no way I did that. I also knew that would just piss him off but he already wrote the ticket so he wasn’t taking it back..

He handed me documents back with the ticket and he went right back sitting in his tourist trap. Nice. Don’t even get me started on using the police/CHP this way.

I was angry. And I was determined to fight it. So I filed a Written Declaration with the court stating I was not guilty and wrote up my version. And mailed it off with the “bail” (they want the money up front in case you are found guilty!) They have 90 days to respond. So I waited…

Now, this is actually the 2nd time I have fought a ticket. The first time was for running a red light in San Francisco. I did not run a red light so I fought it. I took pictures of the intersection, timed the light and wrote up my version. I went to court (first time ever in a court room!) and the place was jammed pack full. First, they offer everyone there the chance to plead guilty and get your bail reduced by 50% and you can leave. Everyone but 3 people did this – 1 of them was me. Now…I thought of taking the deal for a brief second. Mainly because I knew my husband would freak if he knew I could have paid 50% less, didn’t take the deal and then lost. BUT – 1) I knew I was right and refused to plead guilty when I was not. And 2) I am a much bigger gambler than my husband.

So the first 2 guys went up and plead their cases. The judge found them both guilty. Yikes. My turn…I went up to the Judge, was very polite and professional, handed him my packet of pictures and information and after reviewing it and asking me a couple of questions, he found me NOT GUILTY! I was so relieved. I walked out of there so, so relieved. I called my husband right away and he could not believe it. HA!

I was more doubtful of this time though since that was San Francisco and the cops there have a lot better things to do than show up in court. This time was CHP officer who job is to write tickets. My guess was he would write up his version and the judge would find me guilty and I would then have to actually go to court to fight further (because I have a LOT of spare time during the day…) or just bite the bullet, be guilty and take the point on my insurance (husband’s head would also explode at that point.)

After I mailed away my Written Declaration I put it aside in my head and wrote it off as guilty while secretly hoping I was wrong and would win.

I stopped at our PO box tonight on the way home and saw the envelope from the court. I thought “Ugh…I’ll open it tomorrow. I don’t want to be in a bad mood tonight.” But then decided that was stupid and opened it right there. NOT GUILTY!!!!! I was pretty dang happy. Went home with a smile on my face and still have one. A pretty darn big one :)

Justice might not prevail all the time but nice to know it does some of the time…

Finally sitting down today. I literally have not sat down since I woke up. Between dog walks and laundry and cleaning and getting the house ready for the painters and cooking…But I got a lot done! Anyway, watching an old episode of Private Practice from December that was on the DVR. Without going into the whole episode of emo-chick television, storyline has a 60yr old woman married to a 30yr old man and having issues with a pregnancy (woman is 60 – duh).

Anyway…as soon as they showed the wife I had the reaction I was supposed to have. Disbelief. Some shock. It’s obvious that is what the show was going for. And the commercial break after the first introduction to the 60yr old wife gave us a long Victoria’s Secret Angel lingerie ad. Really? Did you plan that ABC?

The fact that they expect us to believe that this nice looking 30yr old man would be happily married to a 60yr old woman is ridiculous. The reason for this is simple. Men are superficial. Period. Even the “nice” ones are. It’s why your Dad hates all of your boyfriends. He knows what they are thinking. Even if they are the nice guy, student body council President, the “golly gee Mr. so-so” kind of guy (my dad hated those the guys the most!)

And you can say oh women are gold diggers so that is the only reason they end up with old guys. Well…I agree and yet disagree with this. Women typically search out security. Men who offer security. Now this can be in the form of physical strength/security, emotional security, financial security, etc. Are there gold-digging whores who search out men who will pay their bills? Absolutely. I’ve known some. Hate them the most.

But men…they search out hotness. Period. If a woman gains 10 pounds – men are disgusted. At the very least, they are bothered but just don’t say anything. This makes them “nice”. But they are never simply NOT bothered.

Guys say oh “Twilight” is stupid. Women just want a guy who is obsessed with them and unrealistic. Blah blah blah. No…women want a guy who thinks they are perfect and beautiful and wonderful. No matter what. THIS is the fantasy part. No man ever will.

So television and movies and books, etc. are there as fantasy. As fun. As an interlude. Why channels like Lifetime and Oxygen and Harlequin romance novels sell. And why Twilight sold so well to the non-tween crowd. And why girls are so susceptible to the rom-com. That fantasy of being perfect in the eyes of someone. Period.

ok..maybe not YOU :) I am using the royal you ;)….

I think that I go out of my way to be sure I am nice to people. By nice, I don’t mean “walk all over me” kind of nice. No…pretty sure you could not say that about me. And I can definitely let the bitch out when I feel its warranted. But I don’t choose to be rude or mean to people unless pushed to that edge. I’ve been described as a very long fuse, but highly explosive :) But I think I’m kind to those close to me. I cut them all kinds of slack. It takes a while to get into my “circle” but once you are there, you are there. Call me in the middle of the night and need help hiding the body…sigh…ok. We’ll discuss the body later but for now, I’ll help you dig the hole….Now, strangers/non-friends on the other hand…well…if you’re stupid, I will say so.

But I definitely do not push buttons just because it is fun. I know people that do and I simply cannot understand it. Because really – it’s a very unattractive personality trait. Especially when the people you do it to are friends/family/loved ones. And since those are the people whose buttons you probably know the best, you know what not to push so it’s pretty much done on purpose.

But some people revel in it I think. And I simply do not get this. I mean, I guess I could just sum it up and say you are a complete jerk. Because short of that, there is no reasonable explanation.

And I’m not over-sensitive. I mean, I *can* be sensitive about things and get my feelings hurt or whatever, but I also blow stuff off pretty quickly. Not to say I won’t remember it *forever*, but I don’t let most things bug me too long because it’s a waste of time and energy. I am not a person you have to walk on eggshells around. So if you have actually gotten to me and bothered or upset me, then you are a class A button-pushing jerk.

And I understand teasing and ribbing. But there is a difference between good-natured teasing and being intentionally mean. I think some guys treat each other a certain way and then turn around and treat girls the same way. But they probably shouldn’t. If your best bud doesn’t mind if you call him a fattie or tell him he sucks at something, or is fugly, my guess is your girlfriend will mind if you say the same thing to her. Must be that guys just mature muuuch slower? Or maybe they simply don’t care about anyone’s feelings but their own (if they have them at all) but welcome to the world where you interact with other living beings.

Again, I’m not over-sensitive (unless you question my dog parenting skills in which case I will just hit you :) ) I’m not overly-PC (umm..at all), don’t get offended by jokes and don’t really care what most people think anyway (you need to be close to me for me to care.) But if you are close to me, and know a button of mine (or a friend’s), why push it? What’s the point?

Same goes with being super critical. Is there constructive criticism? Sure? Are you allowed your own opinion? Of course. But are you going out of your way to be highly critical and nit-picky at the expense of someone else when there is no good reason for it other than being a jerk? That’s bad form.

I worked for a hedge fund before my current job. The partner I worked for was (and still is) probably one of the nicest people on the face of the planet. Another partner was OK and the 3rd was a giant a-hole. He tried yelling AT me once (at me like he was mad at someone else but I was the closest one to him) and I told him flat out “You cannot yell at me. I do not work for you and I will not tolerate it.” And I walked away. That was that. But working in that kind of environment definitely toughened my skin. So if I feel you are being a jerk, most other people would probably have smacked you by now.

I wish I could understand why people act like this. Or maybe, like with crazy people, you aren’t meant to understand it because it’s just wrong and not meant to be understood or accepted. But I don’t like it. Not the way you should be with anyone you claim to care for…in my opinion.