ok..maybe not YOU :) I am using the royal you ;)….
I think that I go out of my way to be sure I am nice to people. By nice, I don’t mean “walk all over me” kind of nice. No…pretty sure you could not say that about me. And I can definitely let the bitch out when I feel its warranted. But I don’t choose to be rude or mean to people unless pushed to that edge. I’ve been described as a very long fuse, but highly explosive :) But I think I’m kind to those close to me. I cut them all kinds of slack. It takes a while to get into my “circle” but once you are there, you are there. Call me in the middle of the night and need help hiding the body…sigh…ok. We’ll discuss the body later but for now, I’ll help you dig the hole….Now, strangers/non-friends on the other hand…well…if you’re stupid, I will say so.
But I definitely do not push buttons just because it is fun. I know people that do and I simply cannot understand it. Because really – it’s a very unattractive personality trait. Especially when the people you do it to are friends/family/loved ones. And since those are the people whose buttons you probably know the best, you know what not to push so it’s pretty much done on purpose.
But some people revel in it I think. And I simply do not get this. I mean, I guess I could just sum it up and say you are a complete jerk. Because short of that, there is no reasonable explanation.
And I’m not over-sensitive. I mean, I *can* be sensitive about things and get my feelings hurt or whatever, but I also blow stuff off pretty quickly. Not to say I won’t remember it *forever*, but I don’t let most things bug me too long because it’s a waste of time and energy. I am not a person you have to walk on eggshells around. So if you have actually gotten to me and bothered or upset me, then you are a class A button-pushing jerk.
And I understand teasing and ribbing. But there is a difference between good-natured teasing and being intentionally mean. I think some guys treat each other a certain way and then turn around and treat girls the same way. But they probably shouldn’t. If your best bud doesn’t mind if you call him a fattie or tell him he sucks at something, or is fugly, my guess is your girlfriend will mind if you say the same thing to her. Must be that guys just mature muuuch slower? Or maybe they simply don’t care about anyone’s feelings but their own (if they have them at all) but welcome to the world where you interact with other living beings.
Again, I’m not over-sensitive (unless you question my dog parenting skills in which case I will just hit you :) ) I’m not overly-PC (umm..at all), don’t get offended by jokes and don’t really care what most people think anyway (you need to be close to me for me to care.) But if you are close to me, and know a button of mine (or a friend’s), why push it? What’s the point?
Same goes with being super critical. Is there constructive criticism? Sure? Are you allowed your own opinion? Of course. But are you going out of your way to be highly critical and nit-picky at the expense of someone else when there is no good reason for it other than being a jerk? That’s bad form.
I worked for a hedge fund before my current job. The partner I worked for was (and still is) probably one of the nicest people on the face of the planet. Another partner was OK and the 3rd was a giant a-hole. He tried yelling AT me once (at me like he was mad at someone else but I was the closest one to him) and I told him flat out “You cannot yell at me. I do not work for you and I will not tolerate it.” And I walked away. That was that. But working in that kind of environment definitely toughened my skin. So if I feel you are being a jerk, most other people would probably have smacked you by now.
I wish I could understand why people act like this. Or maybe, like with crazy people, you aren’t meant to understand it because it’s just wrong and not meant to be understood or accepted. But I don’t like it. Not the way you should be with anyone you claim to care for…in my opinion.
7:24 am on January 13th, 2010
Excellent post – it is a huge character flaw when your only means of communication or personality are to be mean and nasty to each other. It is difficult enough, especially at work, to get through the day without the added stress of working with someone that has evil coursing through their veins. I can get my candle lit too – it takes a while, but when I know it’s coming, I try to remove myself so that no one else catches the crossfire.
As far as family goes, what can we say? We take them for granted as easy marks at times, expecting that they will just take the grief and forget about it. In my family, unfortunately, that has had the opposite results and often leads to alienation.
Life is much better when we make the effort to get along.
12:13 am on January 14th, 2010
Of course everyone can be guilty of the occasional outburst or rude/thoughtless comment. But when it’s a trait versus an “oopsie sorry” that’s when things need to change. But yes, life is indeed much better when everyone puts forth the effort to get along!