a99kitten's Musings

I blog about a WHOLE LOT of stuff :)

I did not go to public high school. So I “missed out” on the social cancer known as the clique.

Later in life I saw it in action – at work, in collecting groups, neighborhoods, forums, etc. But thankfully, have not been involved in 1 so that I am either the aggressive a-hole or the victim. Probably mostly because I simply do not care.

I mean at work I was HR so if I saw something like that I kept an eye on you and assumed you were schmuck. I love my hobbies. My “fandoms”. But if I have to spend any time thinking about crappy people – meh. And neighborhood? I’ve been blessed with great neighbors at both my long term residences. And if you are not in my direct neighborhood – I don’t have the mental energy to expend. Reading Nextdoor is akin to burning your eye sockets with acid.

But the whole fandom bashing is weird to me. You like the same thing. Why are you an asshole? If you disagree with something – move on. NOT HARD.

But I see it regularly. And that sucks. Can’t we all just get along. Kumbayah. Namaste. May the Force Be with you. Love Long and Prosper. Greed is Good (wait…different group..) Etc. Etc. Etc.

In all forms. Broad-based for sure – Facebook, Twitter, Insta, etc.

But even smaller, focused forums such as Nextdoor (huge cancer), fan-based sites (for people who claim they are fans but then bash everything about said topic), etc. But..social media is just a term. 2 words. The cancer is humans. Oh – you don’t like me/what I think/what I like/the characters I like/the movies I like/the color of the fucking sky? Then attack!

Of course, keyboard warriors are not new. But it has gone from bad to are you fn kidding me in a pretty short timespan. I’m pretty thankful for my general I could not care less about you attitude that I apply to social media. And life. But I do see how it can effect people who might have a less cold heart than me. And that sucks.

But at the same time, I also think if you are going to let words effect your life, you need to grow a thicker skin. Humans are assholes. This is a fact. There are some nice ones. And hopefully they will be in your life. But you will 100% sure as the sky is blue run across the assholes. So be prepared for it.

This past week has been HOT. Grossly hot for us. I would be angry, upset and miserable IF I once again chose not to get A/C installed after the previous summer of a little bit more heat than the last. But I did not. I was finally smart.

Smokey has traditionally always hung out/slept outside on the deck after dinner when it is even slightly warm. Because it’s cooler outside once the sun moves off the deck. But when it’s 95 during the day, and “cools off” to 80 – whatever. Gross.

But I have been running the A/C and he is lounging inside. Happy. Cool. Comfortable. He has been eating much more and normally. This makes me very happy. Every summer for the last 5-6 years, he eats way less in the summer because he is so warm and uncomfortable.

I dumped the hot tub so as not to use the electricity for no good reason. Channel that power to the A/C and keep me and my boy comfy and happy.

I’ve also been sleeping well which is an added bonus. lol

On most days, I can recall a thing that my dad taught me, or reminds me of my dad. All pleasant/good memories. But for some reason, on Father’s Day, I remember all of the things that have kept me from having a close relationship with my dad.

In reality, my family was not “close”. My little brother and I were close. But that was it. And he is dead. I have zero memories of a close and loving family. We never went on family vacations until later in life when I planned/paid for vacations with my mom and brother. Our holidays seemed generally stressful or barely register in my memory at all.

What my parents taught me was independence, self-reliance, doing your own thing, be a responsible and good human, no one owes you anything, etc. Excellent things that have served me well in life. But definitely nothing emo. Nothing warm and fuzzy.

My dad cheated on my mom numerous times. Causing strife on a regular basis for me as a child.

My dad left my mom when my very late in life surprise brother was less than a year old.

My dad showing up whenever (usually holidays) to try and make up for that but failing miserably so arguments ensued.

And the entire situation with my mom getting sick, my dad coming back to try and deal (leaving his long time girlfriend which probably ruined his life at that point), lying to me repeatedly regarding borrowing money (which affected my life), and not treating/raising my brother correctly and spiraling into his alcoholism. Which put him where he is now.

I called him today. He sounded fine. But not really. This makes me sad. It breaks my heart really. I hung up. Cried a little. Went outside and did yard work. But I have to remind myself of all the mistakes he made in his life. I am not responsible for any of them. I tried to help when I could and even when I couldn’t.

The lessons my dad taught me were to make sure I was strong. Strong sometimes does not include warm and fuzzy. Just the way it is I guess.

Today it was about 15 degrees cooler than the last 2 weeks. Heaven! Not for 1 second was I too warm. And this was with me running around between trading and steam cleaning my carpets. And then breaking down old planter barrels. And I actually got chilly this evening!

I so wish I lived some place where it never got warmer than 72 degrees. Hottest part of the hottest day in the sun – 72 degrees. Is that a place? Can someone point me to it? Adn do they have 8 months of winter? That’d be the best.

Smokey was def happier today! Wanted a longer walk. Ate more food. Was so relaxed.

We have cool weather until Saturday and then it starts warming up again until it gets back into the burning shit 80s by mid-next week.

At least the new A/C operates fabulously. I love fresh air. I love having all of my windows open. But I’ll take cool A/C air over hot air. But it sucks. While not a stupid Climate Change Nazi – the fact is humans did this. Not excluding myself (see A/C usage.)

F humans.

It’s been fairly quiet here for the last 5-6 weeks. Ever since most of the ski resorts closed in March. Yay global warming :/ I preferred last March when we both had a pandemic AND multiple blizzards.

The weekends have still been crowded but for the most part Sunday afternoon thru Thursday afternoon have been quiet traffic-wise, people-wise.

To be clear – still more crowded than they ever were before 2020 and the fear-porn bay-area crowd fleeing and coming here. And then the vacationers who don’t not fly anywhere so drive here.

But last weekend was Memorial Day. Typically the start to tourist season. Not as bad as the 4th of July through mid-August but still crap.

Now this weekend, you can hear people hooting and hollering AM, afternoon and PM (seriously FUVK Air BNB), cars racing up and down my street like it’s a fn freeway. Oh – and let’s not forget the garbage I picked up all along my walk today at the lake because HEY WHO FN CARES RIGHT?

Constant reminder that I hate humans. 99% of them. Fuck off.

During the Dot Com boom – every company had a vision, a mission, promises. As long as they secured their .com they could do anything. Until they couldn’t.

And now we compare every possible “bubble” with that (well…and with tulips but ok…) But guess what – out of those dot com bust ashes came Amazon. Google. Netflix. And others.

And really…if you were the founder of Pets.com would you not be fn pissed looking at Chewy.com every day??? Genius idea. Knew it would work. Just too early. Webvan.com? Look at Safeway.com. Blue Apron. Whole Foods via Amazon Fresh. WTF right? Just. Too. Damn. Early.

So sure…Bitcoin could likely be tether-funded crap and really worth $1. And SAFEMOON probably will not save the world. DOGE? Well…I suppose Elon can make it work if anyone can. But out of all this crap will emerge new tech, new ideas. And maybe even old/current ones will almost die but then prosper?

So are you that sure they will all die? And that crypto is a scam? And we will live forever with paper money – even after a pandemic 2020 had most businesses not accepting cash? Or is it possible and likely that some will not only survive but grow? Or that new ones will grow out of the corpses of the old?

Why would crypto-currently NOT be the future? Of course it will be. Only a complete ludite can’t see it. But will the governments of the world control it instead of the de-centralized dream it sprang from? Who knows. Probably.

I’m just here to make money from what it is right now.

Today is 1 of those days…or maybe I should the last few hours are…or really the last 15 months are…when I feel like my brain is melting. So much stuff running around in it.

Lats year at this time, I’d go to my trading group chat and laugh (or worry) at the latest China/pandemic/Trump/guvmint crap. Or were we still all in it together then?

For the past 6..7..8 years? Or more? I’ve gone to this trading group in off-trading hours to laugh. Or snicker. Always a great group. Weird assholes most of them to be sure. But great.

But then last week, after I had a crappy 8 weeks of trading, I said I was going to probably take a short break. Re-group. And received a shitty response from the owner. Oh. ok. Fuck you.

I logged in to feel the camaraderie. It was fun. Even when we were losing money lol. But f off – I don’t need your shitty attitude. Bummer is some of the other people there immediately chimed in to my defense. I do like this group so much. But really not in the mood right now.

So I’ve stayed away mostly. Meh – who cares. I checked in over the w/e during crypto carnage. And again tonight. And what the F am I reading tonight? FFS.

Proof I do need a break. From everything online. Sometimes I think writing or talking about it get it out of my system and I’ll feel better. But this seems to stick.

Home project I’ve wanted done for like…8 years is done today! Shades in my “Half Moon” windows at the front of the house. There are a few hours of every day for a few months out of the year when the sun BURNS into the house and now I will BLOCK IT OUT! So happy.

But this meant the installers were here for about 90 minutes = guys, ladders, drilling. Smokey was NOT happy. He stayed next to me and kept an eye on them. They were 2 very polite young men and loved both Star Wars and dogs so I think he figured out it was OK. LoL. But even though he didn’t try to eat anyone, the stress of these types of things takes a toll. And he he gets older, I think it’s a bigger toll.

I took him out fir a walk as soon as they left to go see his friends and we saw 3 of them and he liked that. But he still followed me around the house until I finally took a shower and sat down. He’s such a goof. But he is who he is. That will not change. That old dogs, new tricks thing. It’s a real thing. He’s now having a nice treat while I have a glass of bubbly – bottle was opened from over the weekend – not letting that go to waste!

I wish he didn’t stress so much. After days with serious changes in routine, he needs a night of me just sitting here with him. So I will catch up on Bad Batch, watch crypto go up and down…and up and down…and let him settle back into his calm state.

Ok…so last week’s Grey’s Anatomy was a repeat from a million years ago. When the show was good. But it put me in a funk. Of remembering when the show was good. And the show wasn’t all Covid. And life wasn’t all Covid.

Just started watching this week’s ep, and yet another “old” character is leaving. So they play flashbacks. From when life wasn’t all Covid. Or whatever the F.

And Friends is coming back! Well…a reunion episode which will make me cry. Not even going to try not to.

But my friends are not going to be here to watch it or for the holiday next weekend. Well…1 of them might be. But not sure. All I know is , kids are monsters. STOP reproducing. Too many humans on the face of the earth as it is. FFS.

Life is weird.