a99kitten's Musings

I blog about a WHOLE LOT of stuff :)

It seems like everyone I know is going on vacation. A little laughable since so many people are still pandemic paranoid, but obviously that doesn’t apply.

Disneyland, Disney World, Hawaii, road trips, Europe. Meanwhile, I’ll be here in Tahoe, where a bunch of people that are not my friends will be invading and vacationing (and annoying the ***mother fucking shit*** out of me.) While they are somehow still being paranoid about the pandemic.

I’m not vacationing not because I am pandemic paranoid. I’m actually pretty much not. Well…I assume every time you go someplace with a lot of people that you are exposing yourself to the filth of humanity. So it’s no different now to me. In fact, people & spaces might be a bit cleaner right now.

I’m not planning anything because I’m frankly too afraid that I will leave and Smokey will leave me. I have bad memories of being out and about and having fun one weekend day while Angelus got sick at home. And by pure happenstance, I decided to to go home and check on the buds before going off for a movie. And found him collapsing. So…not doing that to myself again. Smokey is 13 or 14 and moving a lot slower. He needs me home. And he was already super stressed when I’d leave so that is that.

No Cons to think about this year, so that’s good. I’ll get to Disneyland, or WDW, or Hawaii or wherever again sometime. And since I already hate 2021 as it is, I guess I can continue to hate it. But I will not lie, it’s making me a bit sad – but I think mostly because of WHY I won’t go versus actually not going. Once again I say, I preferred 2020. And it’s only April 16th.

I prefer 2020 over 2021 so far.

We had more snow. A lot more snow. That meant no/better drought conditions. That mean better for fire season. Pretty much over CA and over fire season.

Smokey was a year younger. I worried about him a little less.

The market was fun to play in.

Humans came together. For a few weeks anyway. We were “in this together.” For a few weeks anyway.

We couldn’t travel. Well, I’m still not interested in traveling.

We couldn’t gather. Still not really gathering.

Yeah…I liked 2020 more. We had hope things would get better. Now I just assume they will stay like this. Or get worse. Fuck 2021.

I have spent about 90% of my adult working life making sure any and all employees of where I worked had the best possible health insurance possible. Not just some coverage – but low deductible, PPO, excellent network, employer-paid premiums plus spouse, family AND domestic partner before that was even a thing or before most companies even thought about it let alone offered it. Even when the CEO/MGP of the company wasn’t so sure on the expense of it all – I lobbied and won. Always.

Let’s face it – HR works for the company. Yes – in support of the employees, but at the end of the day, HR will side with the company. As they should. I am not a fn union leader.

But I **ALWAYS** looked for the best option for the employee because that helped the company.

So I guess it is only fitting that as my Federal COBRA is expiring, I find out that the new health plan my old company switched to is a plan that will not support conversion to individual plans. Now…that’s not their job. I get it. But ironic nonetheless. So the plan I now will sign up for is 50% more expensive than my COBRA was and also offers about 50% of the benefits. THANK YOU OBAMA. I HOPE YOU CHOKE.

There are other FN ridiculous components to this such as other ex-employees being offered better options, but I guess whatever. I am too tired to type. I’d rather watch an episode of TV or read. Clear my brain.

So I will continue to be angry. Until I decide to vent more. Or just stew.

Being nice is the literally the stupidest thing you can do. Be. You instantly make yourself a fn sucker.

Not saying be mean. Be indifferent. Do not trust. Understand that the other side of your interaction is someone looking for out for #1. Trusting people that are not your closest, dearest friends marks you as a huge sucker. And even those people are sketchy at best.

Look out for you. Period. No one else really is. Even if they say they are, it’s only because they are not being tested at that point.

As Fox Mulder said, Trust No One.

…it’s worse.

Obviously it’s been a weird year for just about everyone. Well, not politicians, celebrities and uber rich who just do what they want – probably been fine for them other than having to pretend it’s not for us plebs.

I started day trading last February. Like every day, all day. It was fun. Kept my mind off anything else going on. It was good. Made money, stayed busy, was addicted to it. Loved it. Basically – traded and hiked Smokey. And perfectly happy with that being my day.

This year – with our new President (F Biden) and things are different – the market has sucked. Good January – suck February. Super Suck March. And April looks not too much better. So I’ve traded less. A lot less. As a result, I think I’ve realized the world sucks. I mean – I always knew humans suck. But now – everything does. But I have no idea when I can go to Hawaii, or Disney World or anywhere besides the forest without a mask. And simply not interested in going to those places while wearing a fucking mask. Seriously – FUCK CHINA. And fuck humans. And fuck our government.

Smokey is older now. We still go for long walks but not like we used to. So I can’t fill my time with that. Not like I can take him out for a 5 hour hike. We do spend a lot of time outside but I won’t make him go more than I can tell he is comfortable with. Some days 8 miles, some days 3 miles. Although it still has more to do with heat and how hot he gets – thanks Mother Nature (fuck you and your bullshit winter.)

Then throw in the fact that the bay area has invaded my small town. It’s always crowded. Always. And there is garbage and dog poop on the trails where there NEVER was any EXCEPT on holiday week when FN TOURISTS were here. And speeders through my neighborhood ALL THE TIME. I almost got into a fist fight with this fn asshole who was speeding in his Tesla up my street. I hope he choked to death in his sleep. If not yet, I will continue to pray for it.

So I am now angry. Every day. Not all day – if all day I probably would have stabbed someone by now. But it’s still not normal for me. And I hate it. But I literally see no end to it. And that sucks.

I always loved Easter as a kid. Not just because of candy – I loved the colors, Easter egg hunts, the bunny, family meals together with a little less stress than Christmas I guess? Scalloped potatoes and deviled eggs. Mmmm. Also, probably where my love of pastels came from lol.

Did not grow up with Easter as a religious holiday. I do recall Easter at my grandparents, church in the AM, egg hunt in their yard and a lot of food! But the religious part was not a part of my life really. But respect for those that do. And have a supreme annoyance for people that curse on or around Easter. Like…I want to throat punch you.

This year Easter was odd though. Didn’t do anything with anyone. Sent Easter baskets out because who doesn’t love Easter baskets? I guess they were enjoyed. But no Easter greetings from anyone except my neighbors. Thank goodness for good neighbors. Also – fuck off to no Easter greetings. Seriously.

Was nice to have a 3-day weekend though. Considering I am “retired” from work, you’d think I’d have 7-day weekends but I trade daily so I like to stress myself out…clearly. But this was a nice brain break. Did a TON of spring cleaning. Although not as much as I wanted (as my TODO list would attest) since Smokey would just follow me around and I wanted him to relax. But did get a lot done.

But I tried to do most in/around the first floor so Smokey would not follow me too much. He wants to do these long walks – which makes me happy. But then I think he gets very tired. Or hot. Likely both. Plus he has not eaten for 2 days. He has eaten his treats – just not his regular food. I know it has warmed up all of a sudden this week from a high of low 40s to 60s. And his body does not regulate heat well (me either pal.) I have this this same stress for the past few years at this same time. But as he gets older, I stress more. Sadly, our winter is done. It’s supposed to a be a touch cooler this week – in the low 50s instead of 60s. But seriously FU MOTHER NATURE. There are already fires in So Cal. In April. FUCK YOU. FUK U. FU. I will curse you. This is BS.

Anyway, I made him 3 chicken breasts tonight thinking he’d eat a little but he gobbled them all up! ALL of it. OK. That made me happy. So we will see tomorrow if he wants more fresh chicken, or his fresh food or what.

Tomorrow starts a new week. And really month and quarter. I might start trading a lot less to spend with Smokey and diddle around with my house projects. We will see.

Did another 2+ hour walk this AM with Smokey. We go as far as we used to but now a bit slower so more time outside. But I think that is totally OK as he loves being outside. As long as we are not hot. As the sun rises earlier, we will get out earlier but the sun bakes us both.

I dd a lot of work today so was sitting on computer for a chunk of time – like a normal Friday vs a “holiday”. But every time I get up to do chores, etc Smokey gets up too so his naps get interrupted.

Took him to the beach around 3pm for his afternoon walk since it’s too warm this week for neighborhood walks. I hate spring and summer. Hate.

He had fun. We met some other buddies, sniffed lots of stuff, peed on lots of stuff (well..he did lol.) But you could tell he was tired. I cut it shorter than usual. Since we’ve been home he ate 1 treat, but not his normal evening treat “routine”and he ignored his dinner. He does this when hot and/or tired. Completely normal. But I also know he is getting older by the day. He did act this exact same way last year, and the year before, when we switched from winter to spring weather – he just gets hot fast. I do too so I understand. But he can’t take off his winter coat.

He’s sleeping now. Snoring actually :) Senior dogs need more sleep. But they also need their walks, their routine, less stress and things to stimulate them mentally. I think we do a good job on all of those. But I cannot stop checking on him every few minutes to make sure he is all A-OK.

It’s not fair they don’t live longer.

FB just suggested that I follow my ex-husband’s high school, skanky, ex-stripper girlfriend.

I wonder if she gets the same suggestion. LoL. That’s hysterical.

I guess I can relax a touch about Skynet taking over the world just yet.

Yesterday was “National Puppy Day” which is really just a reason to post cute pics of puppies on social media. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

I found one of my favorites of Angelus and Storm and posted it. Along with Smokey and Shadow pics. Sucks that I do not have puppy pics of them. I’m sure both of them were truly adorable. Shadow was probably like a baby velociraptor. lol. Smokey – a baby direwolf.

This AM on our walk, Smokey was walking along and all of a sudden his back legs started kind of walking sideways. I stopped him and we just rested a minute. We started walking again and it happened again. I could see the stress in his eyes of not knowing what was happening. We rested again. Then we saw his nemesis in the neighborhood – great. Cannot show weakness around that fucker or his human. Smokey got really low and hackled as we went by – more so than usual. We hate those guys. We went by and I praised him and gave him treats.

But then he was fine. I made him walk slow. Stop and sniff everything. Lots of treats. But thankfully no other “episodes”. The rest of the day, he was fine. I watched him like a hawk. He ate his breakfast. His treats. We went on a nice afternoon beach walk. Ate his dinner, his treats, etc. All fine and normal.

Could be his “old dog syndrome” returned for minute. I know he is getting older by the day – sadly even older faster than us humans. But he ate fine, drank his water, had good poops, was happy to see new pals on the beach, sniffed lots of stuff, and buried 1 of dinner treats in the deck snow. Now he is sleeping.

I can only hope he stays healthy. And happy. For as long as nature allows.

This week is the one year anniversary of the market melting down due to the rona. Or more accurately, the media and politicians’ reaction to the rona. March 18th was the low I believe and we struggled a but but DID continue to go up from there.

I did well in my accounts over the year. Although I think a blind chimp did well in his/hr accounts this past year. People who never invested before in their lives made money in their newly opened Robinhood accounts.

Altho, this past month – meh. Not sure how those same RHers have done in this chop. Or if they gave any thought to their tax implications due soon. Surprise!

Biden has been a pile to stinky crap for the market. Certainly cannot lay all the blame at his feet (although since Libs liked to do that with Trump – I’ll go ahead.) But not knowing what the tax issues will be (though we all know they will raise taxes so F Biden), the still inconsistent state reopening issues, etc. has been a giant pile of suck.

I mean – what good is a vaccine if we all still have to wear masks everywhere? HOW STUPID IS THAT? If I still have to wear a mask, you can keep your vaccine. F off.

Seriously considering cashing up a lot and waiting out the next month or quarter or even through summer. Do small trades, or maybe add to long term positions but this chop fest over the last 4-6 weeks has been sucky.

Trading was fun this past year. Even on the stressful, down days – it had a better feel to it. Hopeful to get out of the “pandemic”. But now that we got to the near-end – a vaccine – the magic jab! – it’s still crap. Actually – worse crap. Biden is not hopeful. Biden is not Presidential. So we have no optimism in our leadership. That’s pretty suck. And please do not get me started on Gavin.

These past 2 months have really been not fun. Even on the good days with good trades – always the feeling in the back of my head of “how fast will this turn?” And in a period of time where we are enforced to not have fun, that really sucks.

Once this quarter ends, let’s see if things turn around a bit. But I have to say – I do not think it will. Eventually. But not yet.

F Biden. F China.