Decided to be a lazy good for nothing loser today. I literally only changed from my pajamas after my shower to a different pair of pajamas.
Woke up tired. And never left that state. I’d like to blame daylight savings (which I hate with the heat of a thousand suns) but pretty sure it was just energy-sucking sadness. Sadness makes you tired in a way that can’t be slept off. Or binged-TV off. Or exercised off. You are just tired.
It was snowing when I woke up. And snowed for like 2 hours while I watched it. Just super light flurries, but it was snow. And I so love it. I do not winter to end. But also am so sad at winter.
Went to dinner last night and it was fine until the inevitable subject of loss came up. And I kept it together for the most part. And tried to play the part of listener. Came home tired. But still turned the TV on, lit my candle, drank glasses of water and gave myself 20 or so minutes before bed. Because that was our routine. Well…minus the candle.
Did zero exercise today (which I felt like a day off was needed anyway even though my brain hates my fucking watch rings.) Bailed on a dinner invitation.
At dinner last night, someone said something about when you tell people you are OK after a very obvious sad event, when you are not. And I said don’t. Just say “I’m not OK. I feel pretty shitty.” If they can’t handle that communication, that’s fine. But you should not have to lie or pretend if these people are your friends. So that’s why I bailed on dinner.
Instead I played my games, listed some toys for sale, watched Young Guns, did laundry, just watched the new episode of The Dropout and now am starting tonight’s The Walking Dead.
Still as tired as when I woke up.
