a99kitten's Musings

I blog about a WHOLE LOT of stuff :)

Not even worth the humbug. I hate 2021.

I try every day to remember what to be happy and/or thankful for. I do. And I am. But it has been harder and harder.

Most importantly, Smokey and I are healthy. But he has definitely slowed down a lot. But in a weird way. Like..the other night when it was dumping snow and dark out – he still wanted his walk. No slacking off! But then he goes into the bedroom and sleeps for hours after dinner. He’s literally never done that. Ever. I am OK as long as it’s simply what he needs.

I know I can’t have him forever. But it’s still hard.

And then my indoor Humble Bumble no longer lights up starting tonight. This is after my outdoor Humble partially died. Seriously? My Christmas decorations die on me?

Oh..then my friends – family (but let’s face it, your friends are family until they have their own family to take care of. It just is.) – who come to spend the holidays – might have been exposed to Covid. So…do I trust the tests that I think are 50/50 at best? Do I say no and be sad over the holiday. Sigh. I could go on with other petty life annoyances but meh. Fuck this year. Seriously And you know what – if you voted for Biden – fuk you too.

I hate 2021.

I’m trying.

This is my favorite time of year. Winter. Cold. Snow. Traditions. Christmas.

But I am stuck. Trying to be my festive self. I’ve never had a problem. Fuck. My Mom died at Thanksgiving years ago and I still mustered fn Christmas spirit.

But today? I’ve decorated my tree. I play Christmas music in the car. I even put on Die Hard. Nothing.

My traditions were blown this year. No one cares. Whatever. We have no snow. It’s fucking sunny and warm. If I could nuke Mother Nature – I would at this point. I’ve tried to be cheery. We’ll see how it goes. But this sucks.

I wish I had people to talk to. Or a person. But I do not. Everyone has a past. An agenda. Other loyalties. Other responsibilities. A life. Whatever. Not having a person is hard sometimes. I guess you just suck it up.

Today was talking to neighbor as our dogs socialized. Guy who I considered a friend and neighbor talking about vaccines (because why don’t we always fn talk about covid) and how stupid people are for not getting them, how kids are really stupid and just not getting them to be popular (huh? is that a thing?) and “it’s just a shot who cares?”

I reminded him that I have not been vaxxed and I won’t be until I feel more comfortable with them and change my routine to where I feel the need (I don’t go anywhere, always wear the stupid mask, wash my hands anytime I go anywhere and never touch my face unless I just got out of the shower.) He looked at me and said “You will die”. Plus 1 of the more common reported side effects is racing heart/heart issues. I have SVT – I am not in the mood to poke that bear.

I actually LoLed. Like..wow. Thanks dude. Maybe turn off CNN for a few minutes. I simply said “oh, ok. Well, I feel pretty ok with my decision.” Not being dragged into a stupid argument.

You are a 70+, overweight, have multiple health issues so yes – by all means – get the jab. But don’t fn tell me I am going to die. F Off.

I have pretty much had it with all of humanity. I used to caveat that with “unless you are my personal friend.” Not sure I can do that anymore.

I did not go to public high school. So I “missed out” on the social cancer known as the clique.

Later in life I saw it in action – at work, in collecting groups, neighborhoods, forums, etc. But thankfully, have not been involved in 1 so that I am either the aggressive a-hole or the victim. Probably mostly because I simply do not care.

I mean at work I was HR so if I saw something like that I kept an eye on you and assumed you were schmuck. I love my hobbies. My “fandoms”. But if I have to spend any time thinking about crappy people – meh. And neighborhood? I’ve been blessed with great neighbors at both my long term residences. And if you are not in my direct neighborhood – I don’t have the mental energy to expend. Reading Nextdoor is akin to burning your eye sockets with acid.

But the whole fandom bashing is weird to me. You like the same thing. Why are you an asshole? If you disagree with something – move on. NOT HARD.

But I see it regularly. And that sucks. Can’t we all just get along. Kumbayah. Namaste. May the Force Be with you. Love Long and Prosper. Greed is Good (wait…different group..) Etc. Etc. Etc.

In all forms. Broad-based for sure – Facebook, Twitter, Insta, etc.

But even smaller, focused forums such as Nextdoor (huge cancer), fan-based sites (for people who claim they are fans but then bash everything about said topic), etc. But..social media is just a term. 2 words. The cancer is humans. Oh – you don’t like me/what I think/what I like/the characters I like/the movies I like/the color of the fucking sky? Then attack!

Of course, keyboard warriors are not new. But it has gone from bad to are you fn kidding me in a pretty short timespan. I’m pretty thankful for my general I could not care less about you attitude that I apply to social media. And life. But I do see how it can effect people who might have a less cold heart than me. And that sucks.

But at the same time, I also think if you are going to let words effect your life, you need to grow a thicker skin. Humans are assholes. This is a fact. There are some nice ones. And hopefully they will be in your life. But you will 100% sure as the sky is blue run across the assholes. So be prepared for it.

It’s been fairly quiet here for the last 5-6 weeks. Ever since most of the ski resorts closed in March. Yay global warming :/ I preferred last March when we both had a pandemic AND multiple blizzards.

The weekends have still been crowded but for the most part Sunday afternoon thru Thursday afternoon have been quiet traffic-wise, people-wise.

To be clear – still more crowded than they ever were before 2020 and the fear-porn bay-area crowd fleeing and coming here. And then the vacationers who don’t not fly anywhere so drive here.

But last weekend was Memorial Day. Typically the start to tourist season. Not as bad as the 4th of July through mid-August but still crap.

Now this weekend, you can hear people hooting and hollering AM, afternoon and PM (seriously FUVK Air BNB), cars racing up and down my street like it’s a fn freeway. Oh – and let’s not forget the garbage I picked up all along my walk today at the lake because HEY WHO FN CARES RIGHT?

Constant reminder that I hate humans. 99% of them. Fuck off.

Today is 1 of those days…or maybe I should the last few hours are…or really the last 15 months are…when I feel like my brain is melting. So much stuff running around in it.

Lats year at this time, I’d go to my trading group chat and laugh (or worry) at the latest China/pandemic/Trump/guvmint crap. Or were we still all in it together then?

For the past 6..7..8 years? Or more? I’ve gone to this trading group in off-trading hours to laugh. Or snicker. Always a great group. Weird assholes most of them to be sure. But great.

But then last week, after I had a crappy 8 weeks of trading, I said I was going to probably take a short break. Re-group. And received a shitty response from the owner. Oh. ok. Fuck you.

I logged in to feel the camaraderie. It was fun. Even when we were losing money lol. But f off – I don’t need your shitty attitude. Bummer is some of the other people there immediately chimed in to my defense. I do like this group so much. But really not in the mood right now.

So I’ve stayed away mostly. Meh – who cares. I checked in over the w/e during crypto carnage. And again tonight. And what the F am I reading tonight? FFS.

Proof I do need a break. From everything online. Sometimes I think writing or talking about it get it out of my system and I’ll feel better. But this seems to stick.

Back to/still/always hating 2021. For many reasons. Some I’ve already written about and seems like stupid to repeat myself over and over.

I hate that my once peaceful haven of Truckee/Tahoe has been overrun with bay area transplants and vacationers (every day…must be nice to get those stimmys.) I hate you. All of you. I truly wish the ‘rona on you. Not even kidding. I truly think we are changed forever. And it wasn’t a gradual change that happens to society over years or even decades. It was a fucking Chinese fucking virus that fucking Democrats used for their own benefit. The same fear porn fucks who wears masks when alone in the car left the bay area or wherever shithole they come from to go to small towns and RUIN THEM FOREVER.

I hate that I cannot take a vacation (multiple reasons.) But I also hate that any place I would take a vacation has been overrun the same way we have. It frankly sounds sucky and not worth my time, stress or money. Will that ever change and go back to normal? Not this year – that is for sure.

I hate a lot of other things but never mind.

The thing I hate the most is that Smokey gets older every day right in front of me. It seems that this winter he just started aging daily. It makes me so sad. Happy that he seems happy with our walks, his treats, seeing his friends. But sad that he moves a lot slower, seems to get tired easily, not as excited about things.

I truly just hate 2021. I’ll take 2020 any day.

Just watched this past week’s Law & Order: SVU. All about a lady who blows a gasket during lockdowns. The main takeaway is that she ran a business, took care of her family, her customers, her employees, etc but never took care of herself. And she was sure that this is the way it should be. And that there is no one to take care of her – even for a little bit.

Life. That is my life. Has always been my life.

HIGHlariosly, 2 of Smokey’s neighborhood pals were both diagnosed with kennel cough this past week. So we can’t go see them because LOCKDOWN! Jeebus – even for dogs. The funny thing is, they are hanging out together, playing, families had dinner tonight – while both are “quarantined”. But I can’t take Smokey by – which is one of his favorite things – because of some bs virus. They sent me a pic saying we miss you. Oh. Ok. But I need to worry about him. Take care of him. He’s older – so not dealing with risk.

I’m sure I am not the only one feeling this way…still. Plenty of people out there in that same position/condition of sadness. Although I think more and more “seem” to be going back to normal-ish. But not me. Not because I have rona-fear, just what we are “allowed” to do is nothing I care to do. And the things I want to do – still in lockdown mode. And at this point, not leaving Smokey.

But at some point you are just tired. Not grab a gun like the lady in SVU tired because that seems (while understandable) a bit much. But tired. Every day.