a99kitten's Musings

Today is January 22nd (barely anymore as I write this on the West Coast.) It’s the anniversary of Roe v. Wade. Who knew? I would not have known that had I not seen it on twitter. It’s not some date I keeping my calendar for remembrance, that’s for sure.

I ended up watching a TV show tonight (on DVR so broadcast previously) that dealt with abortion. Funny. Well…not funny ha-ha…

I had an abortion. Not a “real” one. Not a choice that I actually made. I was pregnant. The baby didn’t make it. So the doctor gives you a choice of allowing your body to deal with it naturally (which can cause complications) or you have a D&C – which is the same procedure as an abortion.

I am against abortion. If the mother is raped, or the baby is found to be abnormal after tests, then that is up to the individual. But as a form of birth control? As a way of “dealing” with a pregnancy? As a way of dealing with “oopsie” I am against it. 100% against. You can rail on me as an anti-feminist (fine, whatever – “feminists” as a whole – pathetic.) You can rail on me as a religious zealot (umm…riiight…I am so not.) I don’t ever recall discussing this subject with either parent so it is 100% my decision, my opinion. One that I will never back down from. I don’t walk around and shove my opinion down your throat, but if you ask me, I will tell you. But that’s probably all of my opinions..

I’ve read all of the arguments. I’ve seen and heard what people for and against argue. And I do not agree with all of the anti-abortion stance at all either. I just know what I feel. And…well…this is my blog.

Now, in my perfect world, it would be legal, safe and accessible when *needed* because it would only ever be used in the extreme circumstance by people that use their brains and common sense. Right….and then I wake up to the real world…

I simply do not believe, at all, the pro-abortion definition that a life is only a life once it is able to sustain outside of the mother’s womb. And frankly, anyone that has seen a preemie, can throw that argument out the fn window. Keep repeating it to yourself to make yourself feel ok though…

And If you can say you are FOR late term abortions being legal…well, in my opinion, something is wrong with you. Go to a maternity ward and look at a 7, 8 or 9 month term newborn – or younger! That’s what you are saying is OK to abort. I was one month preemie. Agreeing that 3rd term abortions are safe and OK is saying I was not a viable life. So F and then U.

Anyway, so I had the D&C procedure. It was the one of the saddest days of my entire life. As was when the doctor told me the fetus was no longer viable (doctors aren’t sure which side of the coin you fall on so they play PC.) I don’t think I’ve ever cried that much. And so deeply and from my heart and gut. And how I felt for hours, days and weeks after. The deep, seemingly unending sadness and heart break that I felt. And something that kept going through my head during this time, as I felt this way, was “People make this decision on their own? Women choose to do this? What the F is wrong with people that THIS is a “choice”?”

I can tell you this – anyone that chooses to go through this procedure, chooses to end a life, has something inside that they need to deal with. I’m not saying it can’t happen. And I’m not saying it can’t happen to good people. What I am saying – if this is an easy decision, if this is decision you just deal with and move on. And maybe even have to make again. There is something much bigger that you need to fix.

So no, I do not believe abortion should be as easy to get as a flu shot. I do not think minors should be able to get one without a parent’s knowledge. It sickens me that there are clinics and doctors devoted entirely to this and making it an easy, simple thing to obtain. Should it be entirely illegal? No. But it should be damn hard to do and it should make you think long and heard about the choices you made leading up to this choice.

I can still get sad about this. And I’m pretty tough. Everyone expected me to go on and be OK and I was. It’s something that happened and you have to deal with it. But it’s always there. And this wasn’t even a decision that I had to make. My body made it for me.

So for any blathering idiot out there who is spouting RA-RA PRO ABORTION, PRO WOMAN’S RIGHTS and wants to tell me that my opinion is stone-age and wrong. Unless you have gone through this YOURSELF – you know nothing. And should shut the hell up.