a99kitten's Musings

Wolf pup - an amazing creature

This is disgusting. DISGUSTING. In the typical logic of the government, they put an animal, that man has nearly wiped out, on the Endangered Species list and then once they actually start to reproduce and thrive a LITTLE bit in the wild, they remove the protections so hunters can hunt them again. I HATE THE GOVERNMENT. I HATE HUNTERS.

The only reason I think Democrats are useful at all is so they at least enact laws that benefit animals. Nope – this President and administration can’t even get that right.

Man has done its best to wipe out the predators at the top of the wild life food chain due to man’s own inability to accept that without guns, they would be the ones wiped out. Except that bears, lions, wolves, great white sharks, etc do NOT want to kill humans. They hunt to eat. They eat to survive. They don’t go out and kill things for some perverse joy, or to mount human heads on their den walls and pound their chest as they point to it “Look what I did. Look how strong I am.” No assclown – you had a high-powered rifle. Only man is as sick and twisted and evil as this. To seek out creatures solely for the purpose of destroying them is man’s claim to fame. It’s been long proven that if you can be cruel and inflict pain on animals for joy, then you are 1 step away from doing it to people. Hunting for sport is this. Hunting to eradicate a species is this. Look into the abyss and see yourself.

I sincerely hope with all of my heart that anyone who participates in this type of thing gets a horribly disfiguring disease. Or better yet – shot in the face by your hunting buddy. And I mean this. Completely.

The below is from Defenders of Wildlife…if you can sign the petition – great. If you can donate money to their cause – awesome! But at the very least read it….

Hi,

This is outrageous.

This winter, Cabela’s and Sportsmans Warehouse, two major outdoor retailers , sponsored predator derbies in Idaho where formerly protected wolves were targeted by contestants who vied to see who could kill the most wolves and other animals over a two-day period.

Worse, the entry fees for these brutal competitions were then funneled to support anti-wolf lawyers working to keep wolves in Greater Yellowstone off the endangered species list.

Wildlife-loving people fought too hard for too long to rescue wolves in the northern Rockies from the brink of extinction to silently tolerate corporate sponsorship of bloody competitions like this.

That’s why I’ve joined Defenders of Wildlife’s fight to get Cabela’s and Sportsman’s Warehouse to withdraw their support for predator derbies that target wolves, and I am hoping you will too.

Please sign the petition online at

https://secure.defenders.org/site/Advocacy?JServSessionIdr004=tr3987i3w2.app223a&cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=1667

Thanks for helping…

Over the past 3 years or so husband has created a “donation or sell” pile in our home office. It has gotten bigger and bigger with no action on the actual donating or selling.

Last night I had to get everything off of the floor as the carpet cleaners were coming this morning. So I took all of the bags of stuff I put together to be donated in the garage. I also took about 2/3 of his pile using the, what I considered, logical reason that it’s been there for THREE years.

He saw the pile in the garage this morning. He moved several of the items to get to his car.

On my way to work today I dropped everything off. I was thrilled. Stuff out of my house! Yay!

This evening I mentioned to husband how thrilled I was about this simple action being completed. He asked about one of items. He was confused why I would donate it. How he wanted to use it.

Really I asked? Even though it’s been sitting in a pile for 3 years on the floor?Yes he responded.

Too bad I said. If you haven’t needed it all this time, or valued it enough to move it from a pile on the floor, you do not need it.

He did not agree.

WHA? *shouldsmackhiminthehead*

Today is January 22nd (barely anymore as I write this on the West Coast.) It’s the anniversary of Roe v. Wade. Who knew? I would not have known that had I not seen it on twitter. It’s not some date I keeping my calendar for remembrance, that’s for sure.

I ended up watching a TV show tonight (on DVR so broadcast previously) that dealt with abortion. Funny. Well…not funny ha-ha…

I had an abortion. Not a “real” one. Not a choice that I actually made. I was pregnant. The baby didn’t make it. So the doctor gives you a choice of allowing your body to deal with it naturally (which can cause complications) or you have a D&C – which is the same procedure as an abortion.

I am against abortion. If the mother is raped, or the baby is found to be abnormal after tests, then that is up to the individual. But as a form of birth control? As a way of “dealing” with a pregnancy? As a way of dealing with “oopsie” I am against it. 100% against. You can rail on me as an anti-feminist (fine, whatever – “feminists” as a whole – pathetic.) You can rail on me as a religious zealot (umm…riiight…I am so not.) I don’t ever recall discussing this subject with either parent so it is 100% my decision, my opinion. One that I will never back down from. I don’t walk around and shove my opinion down your throat, but if you ask me, I will tell you. But that’s probably all of my opinions..

I’ve read all of the arguments. I’ve seen and heard what people for and against argue. And I do not agree with all of the anti-abortion stance at all either. I just know what I feel. And…well…this is my blog.

Now, in my perfect world, it would be legal, safe and accessible when *needed* because it would only ever be used in the extreme circumstance by people that use their brains and common sense. Right….and then I wake up to the real world…

I simply do not believe, at all, the pro-abortion definition that a life is only a life once it is able to sustain outside of the mother’s womb. And frankly, anyone that has seen a preemie, can throw that argument out the fn window. Keep repeating it to yourself to make yourself feel ok though…

And If you can say you are FOR late term abortions being legal…well, in my opinion, something is wrong with you. Go to a maternity ward and look at a 7, 8 or 9 month term newborn – or younger! That’s what you are saying is OK to abort. I was one month preemie. Agreeing that 3rd term abortions are safe and OK is saying I was not a viable life. So F and then U.

Anyway, so I had the D&C procedure. It was the one of the saddest days of my entire life. As was when the doctor told me the fetus was no longer viable (doctors aren’t sure which side of the coin you fall on so they play PC.) I don’t think I’ve ever cried that much. And so deeply and from my heart and gut. And how I felt for hours, days and weeks after. The deep, seemingly unending sadness and heart break that I felt. And something that kept going through my head during this time, as I felt this way, was “People make this decision on their own? Women choose to do this? What the F is wrong with people that THIS is a “choice”?”

I can tell you this – anyone that chooses to go through this procedure, chooses to end a life, has something inside that they need to deal with. I’m not saying it can’t happen. And I’m not saying it can’t happen to good people. What I am saying – if this is an easy decision, if this is decision you just deal with and move on. And maybe even have to make again. There is something much bigger that you need to fix.

So no, I do not believe abortion should be as easy to get as a flu shot. I do not think minors should be able to get one without a parent’s knowledge. It sickens me that there are clinics and doctors devoted entirely to this and making it an easy, simple thing to obtain. Should it be entirely illegal? No. But it should be damn hard to do and it should make you think long and heard about the choices you made leading up to this choice.

I can still get sad about this. And I’m pretty tough. Everyone expected me to go on and be OK and I was. It’s something that happened and you have to deal with it. But it’s always there. And this wasn’t even a decision that I had to make. My body made it for me.

So for any blathering idiot out there who is spouting RA-RA PRO ABORTION, PRO WOMAN’S RIGHTS and wants to tell me that my opinion is stone-age and wrong. Unless you have gone through this YOURSELF – you know nothing. And should shut the hell up.

ok..maybe not YOU :) I am using the royal you ;)….

I think that I go out of my way to be sure I am nice to people. By nice, I don’t mean “walk all over me” kind of nice. No…pretty sure you could not say that about me. And I can definitely let the bitch out when I feel its warranted. But I don’t choose to be rude or mean to people unless pushed to that edge. I’ve been described as a very long fuse, but highly explosive :) But I think I’m kind to those close to me. I cut them all kinds of slack. It takes a while to get into my “circle” but once you are there, you are there. Call me in the middle of the night and need help hiding the body…sigh…ok. We’ll discuss the body later but for now, I’ll help you dig the hole….Now, strangers/non-friends on the other hand…well…if you’re stupid, I will say so.

But I definitely do not push buttons just because it is fun. I know people that do and I simply cannot understand it. Because really – it’s a very unattractive personality trait. Especially when the people you do it to are friends/family/loved ones. And since those are the people whose buttons you probably know the best, you know what not to push so it’s pretty much done on purpose.

But some people revel in it I think. And I simply do not get this. I mean, I guess I could just sum it up and say you are a complete jerk. Because short of that, there is no reasonable explanation.

And I’m not over-sensitive. I mean, I *can* be sensitive about things and get my feelings hurt or whatever, but I also blow stuff off pretty quickly. Not to say I won’t remember it *forever*, but I don’t let most things bug me too long because it’s a waste of time and energy. I am not a person you have to walk on eggshells around. So if you have actually gotten to me and bothered or upset me, then you are a class A button-pushing jerk.

And I understand teasing and ribbing. But there is a difference between good-natured teasing and being intentionally mean. I think some guys treat each other a certain way and then turn around and treat girls the same way. But they probably shouldn’t. If your best bud doesn’t mind if you call him a fattie or tell him he sucks at something, or is fugly, my guess is your girlfriend will mind if you say the same thing to her. Must be that guys just mature muuuch slower? Or maybe they simply don’t care about anyone’s feelings but their own (if they have them at all) but welcome to the world where you interact with other living beings.

Again, I’m not over-sensitive (unless you question my dog parenting skills in which case I will just hit you :) ) I’m not overly-PC (umm..at all), don’t get offended by jokes and don’t really care what most people think anyway (you need to be close to me for me to care.) But if you are close to me, and know a button of mine (or a friend’s), why push it? What’s the point?

Same goes with being super critical. Is there constructive criticism? Sure? Are you allowed your own opinion? Of course. But are you going out of your way to be highly critical and nit-picky at the expense of someone else when there is no good reason for it other than being a jerk? That’s bad form.

I worked for a hedge fund before my current job. The partner I worked for was (and still is) probably one of the nicest people on the face of the planet. Another partner was OK and the 3rd was a giant a-hole. He tried yelling AT me once (at me like he was mad at someone else but I was the closest one to him) and I told him flat out “You cannot yell at me. I do not work for you and I will not tolerate it.” And I walked away. That was that. But working in that kind of environment definitely toughened my skin. So if I feel you are being a jerk, most other people would probably have smacked you by now.

I wish I could understand why people act like this. Or maybe, like with crazy people, you aren’t meant to understand it because it’s just wrong and not meant to be understood or accepted. But I don’t like it. Not the way you should be with anyone you claim to care for…in my opinion.

This morning I realized that I have had my make-up bag and toiletries bag for about 20 years. Yep – got them in kindergarten ;) Ok…maybe not kindergarten…

I am a huge tartan (aka plaid) fan and these are in the black watch pattern. I bought them at the Ralph Lauren store in Palo Alto and they were not cheap. But guess what – they have lasted me 20 years and they are still in excellent condition.

I have always been a firm believer in “You get what you pay for”. And while yes – there are definitely times you can find a good deal on things and pay less or find one manufacturer that makes the same thing for less or, of course, some things are just ridiculously overpriced (looking at you Chanel with your $500 cotton white t-shirts – really? Is it magic cotton? Will I automatically transform into a Princess if I wear it?) If things are just cheap in price, they are probably cheap in quality. And cheap tends to transform into disposable. And that’s what I hate. While some things can be and are meant to be cheap and disposable I guess – this should not apply to everything. Because where is it being disposed of? Our planet does not have unlimited landfill space for our garbage.

If you know me at all, you know I am not a bleeding heart tree-hugger. But I do care about the environment and the planet. Guess what – hippies aren’t the whole ones who care! In fact, I care much more about animals and the planet than I do most people. I recently had to put in a system at work to force people to recycle their cans and bottles (keep in mind I had recycle bins IN THE KITCHEN already.) ALL of the employees here with Obama stickers on their car and/or desks were guilty of throwing away recyclables at one time or another. All of them. But yeah – anyone who might have voted Republican in the last 20 years is clearly anti-environment….grrr….

Anyway…

So I really dislike cheap, disposable crap (for lack of a more refined word and really it’s what it truly is) such as clothes, shoes, furniture, electronics, cars, etc. I mean WHY do we have disposable cell phones? I think they were designed specifically for criminals because otherwise – there is no REAL reason for them. But then they go to the landfill. Disposable cameras? Sure – I see the novelty in them (and wedding planners love offering this option) but really…not so needed and a giant waste.

People used to save up and buy nice things that would last. But now you don’t need to – just buy a cheap item, use it and throw it away to replace or upgrade. Hell – I’ve had my Jeep for 14 years now. And the next vehicle I buy, I will likely have it for as long (assuming it lasts as long!) I’m pretty sure plenty of drivers tooling around cannot say the same thing. They buy cheap pieces of plastic junk. One hit – smushed. I won’t even go into the lack of safety in that – especially considering how many horrendous drivers are out there that shouldn’t be operating anything heavier than a bicycle.

Same thing with clothes and shoes. Tons of stores and websites out there offer poor quality crap that you can buy cheap. But then it rips, fibers break down or you just get sick of it so out it goes because why? Eh – it’s cheap – who cares.

And part of this is mental – you pay $10 for something – you think less about getting rid of it for one reason or another. You pay $100 for the same type of thing, you will take care of it, make sure it stays in good condition and keep it. And only get rid of it when you really have to. Will there be times you should/need to buy the cheap version – sure. But try to do this less and less. Need to buy something? Save up for the quality version. And then keep it. And take care of it.

So maybe what really needs to happen is people need to change their mindset, not really so much their buying habits. Stop thinking of things as disposable. Of course this probably applies to a lot of areas in life – not just buying material things…

It’s been interesting reading all of the intense hate for the Gators and Tim Tebow. I’m actually pretty much disgusted by people. I totally get and understand team loyalty, crazy school rivalries, etc. Good-natured razzing is fine. I yell for the Gators. I yell for the Niners. I yell for all of my fantasy football players. You know what I don’t do? Call the opposing teams fags. Call them suck-ass pieces of crap. Laugh and call them babies when they get knocked down and get concussions. And these are some of the nicer things I’ve read by the trash talkers…

But I’ve never been a fan of mean smack talk as it generally spirals downward quickly and really, at the end of the day, it will come back and bite you in the butt anyway. Your favorite team and favorite player will make a bad play or lose a big game eventually too…

But man – reading the bitter anti-Tebow rants has been eye-opening. Made me realize that some people have really never graduated emotionally from high school. Or maybe kindergarten? The insults I’ve read are not something I’d write here. But apparently because he’s not out impregnating half the cheer squad, his manhood is immediately questioned. Oh, and because he is religious – he’s a tool. And because he has not gotten into a tabloid-headline trouble, he’s a jerk (much, much worse was actually written than what I’ve said here.)

Really people? Would it be better if he was arrested for DUI? Or suspended for eye-gouging another player? Or kicking a downed player in the head? Or splashed all over the tabloids because he is partying in Vegas with Paris Hilton and impregnating a girl from his school at the same time? The NFL is full of hoodlum/immature players who were hoodlums and immature in college too. We don’t actually need more of those.

I just don’t get why people are making fun of him because he is, seemingly, a nice guy. Oh – is it because you are such a loser that you can’t imagine someone actually being a good person, not getting into boatloads of trouble, actually liking their parents, playing a game they love while going to school? Isn’t that what everyone wants for their kids when they send them to college? Is the problem here that you didn’t have those things so you are jealous? Or bitter because you never got to date the cool kid in school? Or is it just that your life right now is so sad that the only joy you get is from ripping on others?

Oh and making fun of him because he cried while the Gators lost to Alabama and calling him a p***y? Really? Have you watched any NFL play-off game or Superbowl on TV? The losing team is on the bench and the media always likes to show them crying. Of course they are crying – this is something they have been playing for all season, all year, all their careers. It’s their life. Tebow has been playing football since he was a little kid. He worked hard. He came into the starting QB spot at Florida after his freshman year and playing with Chris Leak and winning that BCS Bowl. He is a great player. And he takes his position as the team leader very seriously. He takes the losses personally. That is a quality you WANT in a leader. Not blaming your losses on others. Or worse, not really caring.

Is he the best player in football ever to be imagined or looked upon? I don’t know – he’s still in college. And probably not – but he’s not the one saying he is. That’s the media. Look to them if you are annoyed with the Chosen One status.

But if you want to trash talk (and I mean trash) a 22-year old kid for being a good player, a good person and nice guy – well, that says a lot more about you than it does him.

So the big “news” over the Thanksgiving holiday was a heartwarming tale of love and family…that is a man’s love spread around to many while his family was at home and then his wife heard about the love and chased his cheating ass out of the house with a golf club. I’m waiting for the Lifetime Movie version…

I don’t care who or what Tiger Woods did as a husband. That’s his wife’s concern. However, dodging the police interview after your accident – that pisses me off. Because you can be sure if I wanted to not talk to the police about something, it wouldn’t go over so well. So reading the “news” stories about his affairs – don’t care to. And don’t need or want the dirty details from the classy women selling their stories. But yes – it does matter if he is supposed to talk to the police and doesn’t. No special treatment for you ass-clown. And had you just talked to them, my bet is nothing would have come of it. But your pathetic attempt to cover up the assumed argument/beating of you by a girl with a stick only made the story interesting to the news outlets who are tired of covering silly things like the war in Afghanistan, crumbling global economies, high unemployment, government corruption, etc. Who needs that news anyway?

The ridiculous thing is celebrities pull out the “Respect My Privacy” card when they need it. But otherwise, they are out there trying to get free publicity for every event, product or cause they are happen to be hawking right now. Sorry – doesn’t work that way.

To further annoy me, on twitter I see fellow male athletes saying things like “Tiger is a man, not an angel so it shouldn’t be a surprise and to leave him alone.” Huh? So if you are a man, you can’t be expected to be faithful? To a wife you haven’t even been married to for that long and have 2 very young children with? It’s not like we are going to hear how he fell in love with his soul mate and he is leaving his wife to go make a happier life for himself. He was off having affairs with (seemingly multiple) dirty skanks who knew he was a married father and have no issue at all sleeping with a married man – clearly because he is a rich, famous athlete. And judging by the pictures I’ve seen of these women, he is not that picky. Now, if I was his beautiful, former model wife – THAT would piss me off. You embarrassed me publicly for that (those?) fugly skank(s)?? Do you NOT remember Hugh Grant??

Now, I still feel it’s no one’s business but his and his wife’s. BUT – once it became public using the same publicity machine you use FOR yourself, not much you can do. And all the late-night talk show ribbing, email jokes and tabloid fodder is all your fault for doing this in the first place and assuming you’d never get caught. Dude – the National Enquirer chased John Edwards down a hotel hallway to catch him. Did you just think you were smarter? So take your licks from the public, who in short enough time, will move on to a new salacious tabloid cover story.

In a couple weeks, US, TMZ, the National Enquirer (who apparently have better sources than the FBI as their tips seem to pan out regularly) and the rest of them will have something new to report on. The public will grow bored with your assertions of marriage counseling and posed holiday photos to show your family unity. THEN – you will really have to deal with this and your wife. And look into the eyes of your kids who are thankfully to young to read about what a schmuck Dad is.

If you guys have learned nothing in your lifetime, learn the lesson from the trials of Chief Letch Bill Clinton – if you tell a national audience you did not have sexual relations with that woman – and then they find out that you did after hearing about a blue dress and cigars (double eww) – you have to take the deserved public beating that comes next. So just tell the truth quickly and move on. Or here’s a thought – don’t do something you have to apologize for at all.

Thanksgiving is the start of the big holiday season for me. I don’t go by the retail stores who apparently think late August is a good time to start thinking about trimming your tree. Nope. For me, it’s the Thanksgiving week. So, really not Thursday but all Thanksgiving week I am gearing up for it. And my Christmas tree doesn’t go up a day earlier than the Friday after Thanksgiving. Sometimes, not until the following weekend but that is only due to time constraints or finding someone to help me get the tree (husband does not help much in that area – his loss.)

I really hate when people use the excuse of the holidays to get all blue or sad. Oh poor me. Bad relationship/memories with dad, Mom, husband, wife, kids, whatever. Boo-hoo. You know what? That sadness is caused by you. If this horrible thing didn’t just happen to you, then you have had time to pick yourself, get over it, move on. I’ve had my fair share of bad things happen around these holidays. But I think I love them more than anyone else I know.

Today, November 25th, is when my Mom died six years ago. I was at home packing for our trip to San Diego to visit husband’s family for Thanksgiving when my Dad called with the news. Now, my Mom had been sick for several years so it wasn’t really a surprise. But that really doesn’t make that call any easier. My Mom had early onset Alzheimer’s. She got sick in 1997. Then had to go to a nursing home a year later. She was still physically OK at this point but unable to manage at home any longer. She and my Dad had been divorced for years at this point so it was really above and beyond for him to take care of her for this amount of time (that’s a whole other posting for the future I guess.) She needed constant care and was starting to get more and more physically ill as well.

So my brother and I had quite a few years to deal with the loss of our Mom before her actual loss. When I visited her, she would sometimes remember me and sometimes not. This is not something you can ever get used to. One of the saddest moments in my life was receiving a phone call from her, long after she was all but mentally checked out and remembering no one but my Dad, and the nurse put her on the phone and she whispered “Don’t let me stay here anymore. Don’t hang on to me anymore.” I was fairly speechless. But I told her I wouldn’t. Watching her fade was sad. She was a very vibrant woman and she would have HATED to see herself in that condition.

As she got sicker, the nursing home asked us about DNRs. Since my parents were divorced, this decision fell to her eldest child. A good thing to know for the future – DNRs are not black and white. There are all sorts of caveats. And if you don’t understand them all – they still will resuscitate even if this leaves the person in a coma. So if it is your intention to have one in place for yourself, make sure you research this. It’s a good, if morbid, thing to plan so the decision doesn’t fall to others who cannot make it. My father argued with me about this for a while. What finally got him to realize I was right was me pointing out that this is no longer Mom. She was no longer there. And if Mom fell into a coma, or needed tubes to live on as a meat body, she would absolutely not want that. And as you learn more about what Alzheimer’s does to the mind and body, you realize what will happen eventually. It’s a horrific disease.

So when my Dad called and told me that she did die, I did cry. Of course I was sad. But part of me was relieved that she was released from that hell. I know this was harder on my little brother. He argued with her a lot when she was “forgetful” and felt like crap after finding out she was sick. I don’t think he is truly over this yet.

We still went down to San Diego as my Mom’s cremations, etc was going to take a few days due to nursing home/hospital/mortuary/etc delays. That Thanksgiving was hard. Husband’s family tried very hard to comfort me without smothering me. That was nice. They are a very nice family for sure.

During this trip, a very weird evening/event occurred with one of husband’s friends and his whacked-out crazy wife. This upset me mostly because I was already upset. I’m sure on a regular weekend, I would have just smacked someone :) In a nutshell: went to his surfing friend’s house for dinner (a surgeon) with his wife (also a doctor) and their 2 kids and wife’s 20-something sister visiting from Brazil. Dinner was nice. Very fun. Nice family. They suggest going to a club to listen to some live music (Los Lonely Boys were playing.) I didn’t want to – I am tired. Much prodding and fine – I agree to not be the stick in the mud because my Mom just died (??) Surgeon drives us all to club. Lesson learned: NEVER all go in 1 car when it’s not yours – anywhere, ever. Get to crowded bar/club. Band late. Surgeon wife – has a beer. 10 minutes later surgeon’s wife has completely transformed into a freak. I am 100% convinced she took E along with that beer. No way 1 beer does that. No way. She and her sister were flying high. She attempted to put a move on me. Uh – no. If I were in a better mood, I would have brushed it off like a “Heh, sorry you got the wrong impression.” But I was not in a better mood. I told her to get the F away from me and if she doesn’t I will punch her in the face. I felt this communicated what I wanted correctly.

I think I was most annoyed that my husband saw this happen but a) didn’t really care and b) still didn’t leave when I said I wanted to leave after it happened. If this was a man that had done this – he would have FREAKED out. So I told him I was leaving even if he wasn’t. Fine – we can go. Oh but what about the others (who were by now drunk and whatever else.) Umm…take the car keys away and tell them to cab it home. Done. No, we can’t do that. So we had to round them up, have them fall down in the street on the way to the car, lose purses, etc and drive them home. Unreal. The surgeon called husband the next day to apologize. Whatever dude. Anyway…it was a rather surreal evening to a crap weekend. Husband’s family yelled at him for even taking me there at all. Ha. Also found out the wife and sister are always like this and this marriage is kinda open-ish? Ewww.

My grandmother also died around this time, in mid-December. But this was a long time ago – I was little. I do remember how sad my father was. I had never, ever seen him sad before. That leaves an impression on a little kid. Maybe it’s why every Christmas after that he felt the need to drink himself silly. He wasn’t an angry drunk or anything – but it takes the fun out of things as you grow up and see people’s unhappiness and their inability to deal with it. I think this is a main reason I spoiled my little brother as much as I could and tried to shield him from that as a little kid.

My grandfather died a few years ago in early-January. He lived a long and happy life though. I think he just wanted to get to heaven to see my grandmother :) He used to drink way too much as well. But when my grandma died, he went cold turkey. I think he decided he needed to shape up if he was getting a spot with her. He was a WWII veteran. Played the violin beautifully. He played in the local orchestra for years. He and I wrote letters back and forth every week for years and years. He was a great guy and will always be missed. I found out he died when we were in Hawaii for a friend’s wedding. I got the call a couple hours before the ceremony. That was tough. But we were there. And I soldiered through and went. Being around friends can always help you through things.

My father had a stroke in 2007. 5 in 1 night actually. He has been a big drinker for quite some time. And his health and body gave up 1 day. They said he would die. I had to sign another DNR. But his genes are frackin’ tough. He did get physically better. Completely. But the strokes mushed up his short-term memory. Ask him anything about 15 years ago and beyond. Sharp as a tack. Ask him what he ate for breakfast. Not so much. So he is in a nursing home now.

My brother – he ODed in November a couple years ago. While taking care of my alcoholic father and not telling me the details (they all live in FL and I live in CA) so as not to upset or worry me, he stressed himself out to ridiculous proportions. Some people handle stress differently. Some people are tougher. But I’m sure seeing it almost every day was just too much for a 22 yr old (and starting when he younger.) He started taking Xanax at the suggestion of a “friend”. Got hooked. Anyone who thinks pharmaceuticals aren’t just as dangerous as street drugs is an idiot.

I got the call from my Aunt. Your brother is in a coma and they say he will die. What? I broke. I’ve been closest to my brother than any family member. I helped raise him. I just talked to him the day before – how could this happen? The doctor told me that I would need to decide on a DNR and organ donation. What? I flew out to Florida. On the plane, I said no – this will not happen. He is a good kid who made stupid decisions. When we got there, I had voice mails from my aunt. He came out of his coma! What? Doctor said crazy. Unheard of – he was blue when he arrived into the ER. Found out from his nurse later that they had literally already alerted the morgue that day. He has gone through a long rehab but is doing much better now.

I don’t write this to bum me or you out. I write this as a way to show that no matter what happens, you can still move past it. You can still suck it up and move on in life and deal with things. And you don’t blame the holiday blues. You had a sucky childhood so you don’t like Christmas now – wtf? I had an ex-boyfriend who didn’t like Christmas. He said it was because it was so stressful all his life, and so fake and so blah blah blah. He had a huge awesome family who celebrated the holidays with gusto. I spent 2 of them there. Not liking Christmas was in his own head and I would not let him take me down with him. I made him celebrate. We got a small tree for his apartment. Made him go to all of his family’s functions. And he said afterwards – that it was the best holiday he can ever remember. Well duh stupid – you took the time off from being depressed about it and found something to celebrate and be happy about.

Can I make myself sad by dwelling on the sad stuff. I’m sure. But I prefer to remember all the good memories I do have of these people and smile. I don’t have a big family (well, that I am close to) so I usually invite friends over to celebrate as well. I’ve always been a big believer in my friends are my family. I can choose them :)

Plus Christmas is when husband told me he was getting me a puppy. Puppy wouldn’t be ready until first week in January (we talked them into a 12/31 pickup.) This was the best Christmas gift I could ever receive. We went to get him early in the morning on 12/31/00. I was very sick (like don’t get out of bed sick – so forgive the pic!) but nothing was stopping me from getting my puppy. We played with the puppies for quite a while and Angelus chose me. And he has been my best friend ever since.

Me and Angelus 12.31.00

It’s easy to get caught up in not enough money, not enough time, no significant other, bad significant other, bad family, etc. etc. sadness/blues. But If you open your mind and eyes and look hard enough, you can always find something to be happy about too. To be thankful for. So look for it.

Tomorrow is Veterans day. It’s an important day. My grandfather fought in World War II. This was always a fact in my life. A good reason to remember veterans. Those that fought for the freedoms we all enjoy in this country. The freedoms that so, so many take for granted now. But it was never made a big deal either. Simply a fact. Because why would you do anything BUT honor and respect this?

Another reason I remember this day is because it was my parents’ wedding anniversary. Not sure what possessed them to get married on a previously established “holiday”. Seems like a bad plan to me. But I never forgot the date. Maybe my Mom planned that…But neither parent served in the military. Nor anyone in my family after my grandfather. But maybe because it was a big day? I don’t know. Never asked.

I was not raised with military ingrained in me. No one said this is something you have to believe. Just something I always have. I have always respected the military, the police…anyone who voluntarily puts their life on the line for strangers…to protect others. If you don’t respect that…well…frankly…you are an ass clown. Are there bad cops? Sure. Are there bad people in the military? Sure. But I give these men and women the benefit of the doubt (much like we are told to give those pesky repeat felons, pedophiles and terrorists…) There are bad people everywhere. In every walk of life. Every profession. Every religion. Get over yourself if you think otherwise. But there is good too.

I wish my parents would have gotten a divorce when they realized they were not happy with one another. Maybe then, they’d both be happy now. I probably will not call my Dad on Wednesday to avoid this day, and the memories it could bring him.

I’m proud that my grandfather served in World War II. I owe him, and all those that served with him, before and after him, my respect. My gratitude. We all do. Whether you recognize it or not.

This day means different things to me. But it will always mean you should honor those who fought for us. If you don’t recognize this…you need to read and learn history. And not just the crap they teach in public schools or on CNN.

So the new Hate Crime provision (expanding the existing law) has been signed. Well…it was attached to a must-sign Defense bill so that it would have to be approved after it has not been approved when submitted on its own. Yeah…that’s how the government should work…

Now, I have no issue with people being punished for committing crimes against gays, lesbians (isn’t that the same thing?), bisexual, etc. But why is that crime any different than committing these crimes against me? Or a straight, white adult male.

Yes, I’ve read all of the arguments for the provision. And for the law in general (which I disagree with.) I understand them. But nowhere in any of them do I see something explaining to me why a crime against someone…anyone…shouldn’t be treated and punished equally.

You drag me out behind the bar and beat me up – should be a penalty for that. You rape me – should be a penalty for that. You burn my house down – should be a penalty for that. So why differentiate the victim? The victim is the victim. The perpetrator of the crime should be punished. Same penalty for the crime no matter who it was against. It shouldn’t matter what color, gender, religion, sexual orientation, etc. (crimes against children should have harsher penalties however.)

Yes, I get that if you take a gay man outside and beat him BECAUSE he is gay it is bad. Of course it is. But if someone drags me out and beats me up or kills me, it’s not because he (or she) loves me, that’s for sure. So why is that different? Why is that not a hate crime? Yes, gender is “protected” too. But then every rape is a federally prosecuted hate crime? No, I don’t think they are. If a bunch of black, hispanic, asian or martian men take aside a white kid and beat or kill him – are they charged with a hate crime? All of these acts would be done with malice. With hate. Because one thing is for damn sure, they weren’t done out of love.

You can argue all of the delicate sensibilities and PC crap you want. If a crime is committed, there should be a penalty. Adding on a HATE crime label is dumb. They are all hate crimes. If you commit violence against another living thing – it’s not because you have some great affinity for it/them.

Treating one bucket of victims differently from another is wrong. Period. The definition of discrimination is:

treatment or consideration of, or making a distinction in favor of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit.

So another bill was signed into law (expanding the language of a current law really) doing just this exact thing. So yes, this bothers me. A lot.