a99kitten's Musings

Home project I’ve wanted done for like…8 years is done today! Shades in my “Half Moon” windows at the front of the house. There are a few hours of every day for a few months out of the year when the sun BURNS into the house and now I will BLOCK IT OUT! So happy.

But this meant the installers were here for about 90 minutes = guys, ladders, drilling. Smokey was NOT happy. He stayed next to me and kept an eye on them. They were 2 very polite young men and loved both Star Wars and dogs so I think he figured out it was OK. LoL. But even though he didn’t try to eat anyone, the stress of these types of things takes a toll. And he he gets older, I think it’s a bigger toll.

I took him out fir a walk as soon as they left to go see his friends and we saw 3 of them and he liked that. But he still followed me around the house until I finally took a shower and sat down. He’s such a goof. But he is who he is. That will not change. That old dogs, new tricks thing. It’s a real thing. He’s now having a nice treat while I have a glass of bubbly – bottle was opened from over the weekend – not letting that go to waste!

I wish he didn’t stress so much. After days with serious changes in routine, he needs a night of me just sitting here with him. So I will catch up on Bad Batch, watch crypto go up and down…and up and down…and let him settle back into his calm state.

Ok…so last week’s Grey’s Anatomy was a repeat from a million years ago. When the show was good. But it put me in a funk. Of remembering when the show was good. And the show wasn’t all Covid. And life wasn’t all Covid.

Just started watching this week’s ep, and yet another “old” character is leaving. So they play flashbacks. From when life wasn’t all Covid. Or whatever the F.

And Friends is coming back! Well…a reunion episode which will make me cry. Not even going to try not to.

But my friends are not going to be here to watch it or for the holiday next weekend. Well…1 of them might be. But not sure. All I know is too many humans on the face of the earth. FFS.

Life is weird.

Back to/still/always hating 2021. For many reasons. Some I’ve already written about and seems like stupid to repeat myself over and over.

I hate that my once peaceful haven of Truckee/Tahoe has been overrun with bay area transplants and vacationers (every day…must be nice to get those stimmys.) I hate you. All of you. I truly wish the ‘rona on you. Not even kidding. I truly think we are changed forever. And it wasn’t a gradual change that happens to society over years or even decades. It was a fucking Chinese fucking virus that fucking Democrats used for their own benefit. The same fear porn fucks who wears masks when alone in the car left the bay area or wherever shithole they come from to go to small towns and RUIN THEM FOREVER.

I hate that I cannot take a vacation (multiple reasons.) But I also hate that any place I would take a vacation has been overrun the same way we have. It frankly sounds sucky and not worth my time, stress or money. Will that ever change and go back to normal? Not this year – that is for sure.

I hate a lot of other things but never mind.

The thing I hate the most is that Smokey gets older every day right in front of me. It seems that this winter he just started aging daily. It makes me so sad. Happy that he seems happy with our walks, his treats, seeing his friends. But sad that he moves a lot slower, seems to get tired easily, not as excited about things.

I truly just hate 2021. I’ll take 2020 any day.

Well…probably not “little” but perhaps

Whole house A/C installed!! Took 3 days of guys banging and banging and banging for what seemed like 8 hours straight each day. This greatly stressed out Smokey who has been exhausted each evening because he has not been able to nap since Sunday. But I spent $25k to keep him cool – hopefully he will forgive me lol.

Last year, during the “pandemic”, trading was crazy. Put away $50k ($25k to AC and $25k to taxes – fu guvmint) for this. It took this long since then to get the contractor bid, scheduled, re-scheduled due to parts delay, re-scheduled due to snow and finally installed.

While I wish I would never need it because it would never be warm enough (or smoky enough from fires), I am so, so happy to have it now.

I love Star Wars Day. Or May the Fourth be With You day. And I love how it’s become part of “normal” people culture and not just us nerds :)

Realized today that I have never really celebrated with friends though. We don’t have movie marathons, dress up in our t-shirts and assorted nerd flair, or make themed foods. Of course, I live far away from most of my friends and none of them would make that effort to come up then. Only on Hallmark holidays I guess.

And I stopped making the effort to go down to the bay area for events. I did it for Force Awakens, Rise of Skywalker and Solo. Was supposed to for Rogue One but the tickets got messed up. Also met friends mid-way for 2 Marvel releases. Not to mention Twilight. But I’m done.

I did get bummed about it today though. It’s been a shit year (and continues to be so). So I am easily bummed out lately it seems.

Plus the contractors are here installing my A/C. Which is great. BUT, the noise being made ALL DAY long is in complete contrast to what I am used to at home. I want to hit someone. And Smokey hates it so he is pacing. Non-stop.

Didn’t even buy much merch. Not so much released this year either. Bought 1 POP and pre-ordered the Sideshow statue I have been waiting for. Although I did spend a gob of cash on Topps digital app for limited edition cards. But I love the trading so whatevs. Stayed up till past midnight last night to complete the “base” special edition collection. And then today is stuff all day. That’s been fun at least.

I wonder how early I can make up some Star Wars-inspired drinks…

Just watched this past week’s Law & Order: SVU. All about a lady who blows a gasket during lockdowns. The main takeaway is that she ran a business, took care of her family, her customers, her employees, etc but never took care of herself. And she was sure that this is the way it should be. And that there is no one to take care of her – even for a little bit.

Life. That is my life. Has always been my life.

HIGHlariosly, 2 of Smokey’s neighborhood pals were both diagnosed with kennel cough this past week. So we can’t go see them because LOCKDOWN! Jeebus – even for dogs. The funny thing is, they are hanging out together, playing, families had dinner tonight – while both are “quarantined”. But I can’t take Smokey by – which is one of his favorite things – because of some bs virus. They sent me a pic saying we miss you. Oh. Ok. But I need to worry about him. Take care of him. He’s older – so not dealing with risk.

I’m sure I am not the only one feeling this way…still. Plenty of people out there in that same position/condition of sadness. Although I think more and more “seem” to be going back to normal-ish. But not me. Not because I have rona-fear, just what we are “allowed” to do is nothing I care to do. And the things I want to do – still in lockdown mode. And at this point, not leaving Smokey.

But at some point you are just tired. Not grab a gun like the lady in SVU tired because that seems (while understandable) a bit much. But tired. Every day.

2 true stories:

We lived in a suburb outside of Chicago when I was 9-10 yrs old. My dad owned several businesses that found people jobs – for a fee. Obvs, this is all pre-internet. #old

He had ins with local businesses, got listings, found people jobs. A lot of them. It’s actually a good thing.

He had an office on the south side of Chicago. This is and was a bad area. Not safe. Not safe for white people. Let’s face it – not safe for any people.

One day – a black man who did indeed find a job using my dad’s service, came in and said he should get a refund because it only took 1 day. My dad said no – that’s not how it worked.

That black man put a gun to my father’s head and said refund or he was dead.

My dad told him where the cash box was. The guy took all the cash – so not just his “refund” and left.

Criminal piece of shit.

Story 2:

My dad and another (white) guy who worked with him were driving to the same office on the south side of Chicago and were pulled over by 2 cops. 1 black and 1 white.

They told them to get out of the car – made them get on their knees on the side of the road while their guns were drawn.

They got their IDs, my dad proved he owned a business locally and were let go. The cops said – the only white people that come here are the ones that buy drugs or who came to look for trouble. So told them to leave.

My father helped a lot of black people find jobs. Yet he still had life threatened and could have died because of an asshole thieving black guy.

He also had his life threatened by cops and could have been shot by some trigger-happy cops BECAUSE HE WAS WHITE.

So fuck off with your white privilege.

Fuck off with your white guilt.

There are good people. There are bad people. Whether they are cops, doctors, grocery store clerks. Whether they are white, black, brown, yellow, purple with orange polka dots. Who knows. Fuck off with your racism. Fuck off with your systemic racism. Fuck off with your honoring fn criminals with murals with FUCKING ANGEL WINGS.

Just fuck off.

It seems like everyone I know is going on vacation. A little laughable since so many people are still pandemic paranoid, but obviously that doesn’t apply.

Disneyland, Disney World, Hawaii, road trips, Europe. Meanwhile, I’ll be here in Tahoe, where a bunch of people that are not my friends will be invading and vacationing (and annoying the ***mother fucking shit*** out of me.) While they are somehow still being paranoid about the pandemic.

I’m not vacationing not because I am pandemic paranoid. I’m actually pretty much not. Well…I assume every time you go someplace with a lot of people that you are exposing yourself to the filth of humanity. So it’s no different now to me. In fact, people & spaces might be a bit cleaner right now.

I’m not planning anything because I’m frankly too afraid that I will leave and Smokey will leave me. I have bad memories of being out and about and having fun one weekend day while Angelus got sick at home. And by pure happenstance, I decided to to go home and check on the buds before going off for a movie. And found him collapsing. So…not doing that to myself again. Smokey is 13 or 14 and moving a lot slower. He needs me home. And he was already super stressed when I’d leave so that is that.

No Cons to think about this year, so that’s good. I’ll get to Disneyland, or WDW, or Hawaii or wherever again sometime. And since I already hate 2021 as it is, I guess I can continue to hate it. But I will not lie, it’s making me a bit sad – but I think mostly because of WHY I won’t go versus actually not going. Once again I say, I preferred 2020. And it’s only April 16th.

I prefer 2020 over 2021 so far.

We had more snow. A lot more snow. That meant no/better drought conditions. That mean better for fire season. Pretty much over CA and over fire season.

Smokey was a year younger. I worried about him a little less.

The market was fun to play in.

Humans came together. For a few weeks anyway. We were “in this together.” For a few weeks anyway.

We couldn’t travel. Well, I’m still not interested in traveling.

We couldn’t gather. Still not really gathering.

Yeah…I liked 2020 more. We had hope things would get better. Now I just assume they will stay like this. Or get worse. Fuck 2021.

I have spent about 90% of my adult working life making sure any and all employees of where I worked had the best possible health insurance possible. Not just some coverage – but low deductible, PPO, excellent network, employer-paid premiums plus spouse, family AND domestic partner before that was even a thing or before most companies even thought about it let alone offered it. Even when the CEO/MGP of the company wasn’t so sure on the expense of it all – I lobbied and won. Always.

Let’s face it – HR works for the company. Yes – in support of the employees, but at the end of the day, HR will side with the company. As they should. I am not a fn union leader.

But I **ALWAYS** looked for the best option for the employee because that helped the company.

So I guess it is only fitting that as my Federal COBRA is expiring, I find out that the new health plan my old company switched to is a plan that will not support conversion to individual plans. Now…that’s not their job. I get it. But ironic nonetheless. So the plan I now will sign up for is 50% more expensive than my COBRA was and also offers about 50% of the benefits. THANK YOU OBAMA. I HOPE YOU CHOKE.

There are other FN ridiculous components to this such as other ex-employees being offered better options, but I guess whatever. I am too tired to type. I’d rather watch an episode of TV or read. Clear my brain.

So I will continue to be angry. Until I decide to vent more. Or just stew.