Women should really never give up their paying jobs in this world. This leads to giving up your freedom.
A single person spends their money on whatever they want. Irresponsibly or responsibly – it’s all up to them. Save it. Invest it. Spend it. Blow it in Vegas. Do what you want with it. It’s all yours. You earned, you spend it.
Then you get married….And even if you do not combine your checking, savings, credit cards, etc. you generally still put a majority of your money towards your mortgage, furniture, home improvements, bills, etc etc. And this is *without* kids. Once kids enter the picture – I think all of your money goes in that bucket!! :)
Now, if you are lucky (yes lots of hard work but come on – you are awesomely lucky too!) and have enough money where you can spend willy-nilly (or put all your money in your stock account, or collect cars, or donate it all to saving fluffy animals or buy 1000 acres in Wyoming) and no one cares – AWESOME! GO YOU! But most people are not in this category. Most (married/co-habitating) people contribute a good portion (if not all) of their take-home earnings to joint expenses. Thankfully the government likes to take their portion off the top so you don’t have to worry about that…
But when a women leaves her job and stays home (*usually* when they have kid(s)), she stops bringing home a paycheck. Now, if she is a normal wife in this situation and is taking care of the household (along with the kids if in the picture) then she hasn’t stopped working. Just stopped being paid and intrinsically valued for the work done. And then something happens which, to me, is one of the worst thing’s ever. Someone else has control. Want to get your hair done? Go to a Saturday lunch with your friends? Go to the movies? Buy something? Have a drink out at dinner? Well, you probably have to clear it with the earner now. Or at least explain it afterward when asked where that money went.
Now, I know there are women out there are who are gold-digging whores who look for men to marry to support them and do not want to work at all. Some probably feel a reciprocal relationship of “I give you lots of sex and you take care of me completely.” If both parties are OK with this, fine I guess. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship as long as it’s completely understood by both parties. Gross concept of marriage but oh well.
And there are some who don’t even bother to act like a wife/partner for their husbands and just want someone to take care of them. Likely jumped from daddy to them or from 1 sucker to the next sucker – whatever. They probably never really had to take care of themselves so see nothing wrong with this behavior. And they find men who do it so it’s proven out as a successful path. And if the guy puts up with it – oh well, his fault. Except that it serves as a bad example of women. I hate those women.
I also know there are men who think if the woman stays home and takes care of the house, all the errands, cooking, laundry, kids, pets, etc. etc. she still isn’t really “working”. After all, she didn’t have to put on a tie this morning. Or sit in on a 3-hour meeting. She got to stay home all day and watch TV or read magazines, right? What she had to do was “easy”.
I can’t think of worse thing than having to ask someone for money. It actually causes a physical reaction in me. Or the idea that someone is “taking care of me.” Ugh. One of many reasons I could never be a Liberal Democrat.
Now, do I love the fantasy of not working long hours and having my husband buy me nice things and flowers, pay for my poodle-time and take me on awesome vacations? Of course!! Who wouldn’t?! Sounds great! But what would I give up for that? That’s the question.
Currently, I work more than full-time hours in 1 job, spend hours on another job/project plus take care of 2 homes and all errands, laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, paying bills, all pet-related stuff plus twittering and blogging :) Now, I have a housekeeper 1x per week at home because I frackin’ refuse to clean bathrooms on my weekends. Most hated chore EVER. But I pay for this luxury out of MY paycheck. Along with a fair share of household bills. And I do still clean bathrooms (along with everything else) at our vacation house when we go. I don’t complain about doing any of this – I’m good at it & hate when it’s not done – but I would love if I felt it was truly valued.
So now the question is would I give up my full-time paying job, along with the hours and stress that go with it, so that my days weren’t always so filled with work and chores? Just handle the household stuff and that’s it? Potentially have more time off (with non-fluffy children that is simply untrue but with huskies it is a possibility :) ) But then earn no money of my own? No…not really…no possible way.
Finding someone who is truly a partner means they do take care of you. And you take care of them. It’s a reciprocal relationship that you both benefit from and that makes you both happy. And hey, if you find a guy who makes a good living and doesn’t want his wife to have to go to work 9-5 (or much longer in reality) because he makes plenty of cash – then that’s really great. But again – what are you giving up for that? Is he going to ask you where that $50 went when you meet friends for lunch? Or get a mani/pedi? Or buy a pair of shoes? If so – keep your job. Make your own money. Don’t look to anyone to support you.
And keep your job so that when you go out to dinner and he complains that you guys eat out too much, or that you ordered an appetizer or a $10 drink with your meal, you can pull your cash or card out of your own wallet and pay. And look at him like “Really?”
THAT control over yourself and your own life is priceless.
