a99kitten's Musings

I do not know what the heck is going on. The weather is gloomy? PMS? General sadness? All of the above? But ever since last night I am in a funk. I hate that. And crying. Hate that. I think it basically started last night when I tried to contact Facebook to limit access to my brother’s account. I couldn’t bring myself to have it deleted. He has photos up there and his updates. And as goofy as some are, they were him. The last thing he ever said I think…was posted at night before he went to bed and then didn’t wake up. I just cannot delete that. Not yet.

But I am not a general fan of most of his friends or his fiancee. And she posts weird stuff and I have no idea if she had his password. Pretty sure she does and I want to lock his account. So I finally found the form on FB, after searching morbidly for death through their FAQs, which was awesome, to have his account “memorialized” whatever that might entail.

I can submit a special request as a family member to lock it but this requires me sending in his death cert or obituary along with an online form. Again…awesome. I already had to do that once this week for something else and I am just not in the mood to do it again. I’ve tried to hold it together but ya know…there is only so much…And my Dad calls every day to ask if I have taken care of everything (ashes) and I tell him…every day. Short-term memory loss is a bitch.

So after last night and dealing with facebook and his fiancee, I am tired. I couldn’t sleep at all last night. Had a raging headache all day. So I think that makes me more susceptible to emo. And I really hate that. And the sun being taken away from me did. not. help. Seriously I do not know how people live in Seattle. No wonder they invented grunge.

So I’m taking the huskies to the fresh snow tomorrow. I need it. For some reason, fresh snow falling is happiness-inducing like the sunshine. And they will enjoy it. I stress about them. No real reason. Just do. Love those guys so much. Focusing on them and making them happy keeps me grounded in right now. And not thinking about other stuff. Like Yoda said a Jedi needs his (or her) mind mind on where he was and what he is doing.

I’m trying. Well…doing…because Yoda also said Do..or do not. There is no try. Damn Yoda.