(That title is SO ridiculously Carrie Bradshaw but seemed to fit…)
Yesterday a friend of mine posted her engagement pictures on Facebook and changed her relationship status to Engaged. This is how we spread the news now, right? And watch as everyone on your timeline comments (or sometimes just to themselves. Or talks behind your back about it.)
I am very happy for her. I’ve known her since when she was married to a very nice guy who I am also friends with. But they weren’t happy together. They had been together since high school. You change a lot as you grow up. And sometimes you don’t change the same way together. It happens.
When they separated I was sad, since I knew that meant she’d move. It’s not like we were bast pals but we had gotten closer as friends so I knew I’d see her less with her moving away. And I ended up hearing a lot more of the guy’s side of the separation via my husband who would talk to him. But I know in cases like this there are always 2 sides. And always pointed that out to husband. And frankly, I saw her FB updates daily and she seemed really damn happy.
The rather funny thing is the guy she just got engaged to is a friend of my husband’s. We went to a Porsche event at Laguna Seca with him last fall. That was the first time I had met him and he was an incredibly sweet guy. My husband mentioned that my girlfriend was really into cars and would probably have fun at an event like this and semi introduced them via FB. And then…the rest was history. I think husband felt guilty in that he didn’t do it as a “get them together” thing and now felt he “betrayed” his other friend whose now ex-wife he just set up.
Yesterday at dinner, another couple was talking about it and I said “I know! I’m so happy for them!” And both that couple and my husband were like “oh, it’s only been 10 months of dating, it’s so soon, I don’t know.” I responded who are we to judge how they feel about each other? And how do you determine how much time of dating is “enough”? Well, maybe you realize just how much you like someone and don’t want to ever be without them or let them go? And that they are The One? And maybe that hits you 2 months in, 4 months in or 10 months in? And really, just maybe, if you need 3 years of dating and living together to figure it out, and you are still not sure, it’s likely NOT The One.
I don’t mean to say at 16 you should marry the boy you like after dating for the summer. But as you grow up, you (hopefully) mature. And you realize what you like about people, and what you like about yourself when you are with those people.
After I pointed that out, the other couple agreed and said they did seem really happy. And that is what really matters. Husband still said they should have dated longer but maybe they will have a long engagement.
I tell ya, when I’m the voice of romance and true love in the room, makes me realize I hang out with some really cynical people. But honestly, I could not be happier for my 2 friends.
8:43 am on August 29th, 2012
I get judged all the time for being in a relationship for nearly 8 years and not being married. I know it will happen but I want it on his own time and not from peer pressure. People are so judgmental. I’m rambling now :) congrats to your friends!
8:55 am on August 29th, 2012
It’s silly how people pipe in like they know how you feel. And if you can SEE the people are happy, shouldn’t you just be happy for them since they are your friends? Sheesh. :)
2:46 pm on September 6th, 2012
I think that when you find joy, you should snatch it up and skoosh it. And if you find that joy … 16 times, you should skoosh each one because our lives are so darn short…why spend it wondering. Good for her. Also, I think that by a certain age, you know. It’s not like you’re 18 and hormones abound…but now, at the not-so-young age of 30, I feel like I have a good sense of who could potentially be mr. right & mr. wrong. (Now, listening to that sense is a whole other thing…)