a99kitten's Musings

This morning on our walk, we came to a point where we could turn and go back to the bluffs we did yesterday (where Storm was attacked) or the other way towards the harbor. Storm always wants to go towards the harbor. That’s his routine. Storm is very much a creature of routine. He does not like when the routine is disrupted. He’s quite funny that way :) Plus, whenever he starts out on his walk he is on a mission. He walks with purpose. Go, go and go. Angelus likes to take his time to stop and smell the roses (and pee on them if he can ;) )

Depending on what direction we leave the house, which streets we take, he knows what the walk will be and does not allow deviations without an argument (he stares at me with a HMPH! look.) So the particular way we went this morning left us with really only one option which was the harbor….in Storm’s mind…usually. We crossed Highway 1 and where we could turn right to go to the harbor, Storm takes an immediate left. This would take us right to the bluffs. This is not the way we go when we want to go to the bluffs. In fact, he usually starts pulling/veering right before we’ve even finished crossing the highway to go towards the harbor. That is his routine. Right turn here Mom.

But not this morning. This morning he knew exactly where he wanted to go. He decided he was going back to the bluffs to find that little putz who attacked him yesterday morning. When I said “Storm – this way”. He just stood there and stared at me, tail high in the air like “I’m ready.” He looked over to the bluffs and back to me. Like “Come on Mom. Let’s go find that jerk for some husky payback.” I said “Come on buddy – let’s go to the harbor beach. That little dog is too scared to come back here and meet you guys again.” He looked back a final time and seemed to get that and pranced right over and started his march towards the harbor.

I think he’s doing OK :)

and then later…

I like the fact that as I posted these to Facebook, I had Buffy playing….some eps with Angel/Angelus in them :)

So Stormy’s biopsy finally came back from the University of Colorado. Davis already said the tumors were benign but since they were not acting benign, our doctor had them sent to “THE” doggie liver doctor at the University of Colorado. She came back and said it was a well differentiated carcinoma. That’s cancer. But it’s the “better” kind (ridiculous that cancer can have a better kind but ok I’ll take it.) What that means is the edges of the tumor are well defined and it can be removed – which they were. Not only were they removed but 2 of his liver nodes were removed.

I spent over 1.5 hours with the oncologist who did a good job of explaining a lot about Storm’s liver and this type of cancer. I’d prefer to never have to know anything about it, but that’s not the situation. Turns out Storm has actually had more than half of his liver removed over the past 2 surgeries. The doctor (and his surgeon) said his ability to bounce back and his demeanor are amazing and that he is an amazing little guy (he says “HEY! I’m not little!”)

Apparently, in people and animals, you need 10million cancer cells to show up as a tiny tumor. You or I or Storm can have 9million cancer cells somewhere in our body and there is no test in the world that would indicate that we had cancer. So currently, all tests show Storm is clear. The tumors are removed and his ultrasounds and bloodtests are all good. After his first tumor removal, he was all clear and we thought smooth sailing as it was benign. But then 5 weeks later he had 2 more tumors with a high fever and was super sick. So I will be getting him ultrasounds a lot. He’s had 2 since his surgery 3.5 weeks ago. But helps me sleep.

We discussed the different treatments for cancer. Standard chemo was ruled out as the doctor felt it was not beneficial for Storm and the side effects were potentially worse for Storm. There is a new medication that was approved 1.5 years ago specifically for dogs with cancer. The first one actually. All other meds are actually human drugs that are used off-label for dogs. But again, the side effects are stronger. We have to keep Storm’s Cushings in mind with any other treatment.

We decided on what is called metranomic therapy. This is basically using a couple different medications at a very low dosage daily (versus a chemo therapy where you blast the body with the chemicals for a set amount of time.) Basically, cancer cells gather together to create small tumors. As they do this, they use the blood supply from the organ they are on to survive and grow. Then when they get big enough, they need to start growing their blood supply to continue to grow. What this therapy is supposed to do is to kill the cells ability to grow their own blood supply. So in effect it is almost preventative to keep the tumor from ever growing its own blood supply so it can never get big versus trying to attack the tumor once it’s there. It’s obviously not quite that simple because if it was, we’d have a cure for cancer. But it’s hopeful anyway.

The oncologist said she has had some really great results with this therapy. She was quite honest and wanted to stay hopeful but obviously could not promise anything as Storm’s body reacted in a way that they had literally never seen before. And she said that she was very disappointed that the lab in Davis called it benign. And they were still standing by that she said. But she said with 2 top pathologists giving her differing results, she and I had to look at the whole picture – the dog, his symptoms and how his body was reacting – and not just tissue samples. So she felt the diagnosis of cancer was one that we should work with. But she also said that the U of Colorado doctor thought it was a very “good” thing how the tumor was so well defined. So it was treatable in her opinion as well.

In my various visits to this doctor/vet, I have run across dogs in the waiting room who have been receiving chemo treatments for 2 years and are still doing well. So there are reasons for me to be hopeful besides just me wanting to will Storm to be OK.

Storm started his first medication on Friday. It is part of the NSAID family so it’s actually beneficial for his soreness, recovery, etc from his surgery. And ever since he finished his antibiotics on Monday, he has been doing better and better every day. He’s wanted to go on longer walks, he has initiated playing with Angelus again, wanted to go see our neighbor dog and hang out in the snow and just generally looks brighter. I think the 2 rounds of antibiotics were just knocking him out. So these are all great things. He stays on this medication for 10 days, and then assuming all is fine, we add his 2nd medication to the routine. Then he just stays on those. We will do blood tests and ultrasounds regularly to make sure he is staying fine.

I know Storm won’t be with me forever. And I do not want him unhappy or sick or in pain. My husband was/is worried that I would do anything to keep Storm alive, even if his quality of life is not good. I feel over the past few years of my life I have shown that I can make the hard decisions when I do have to. I’ve signed DNRs, I’ve taken the DNR phone call, I’ve let my brother go. But I do feel that Storm has a lot of life and fight in him and no – I do not give up easily. And frankly, he’s doing pretty darn good right now so I think I’ve made the right decisions. He said that the people he recently talked to about it said that we probably shouldn’t have done that 2nd surgery. Well – those people can kiss my ass. I didn’t ask who said that because I don’t want to know as I would probably just not want to talk to them anymore, although I do have my guesses as to who it is. F them. It’s real easy to say things like that when you have no emotional investment or attachment. Or an empathy chip in your body. Or a soul.

So I view every day I have with him is a gift. And there is no reason in the world for me to give up on him. Since I got the diagnosis from the doctor on Monday, it was still November. Monday night was terribly sad for me. November 2010 has been the worst month of my entire life. Hands down. That month ended Tuesday. I met with the oncologist on Tuesday afternoon and Storm started his treatment on Friday – December. So I am putting November behind us. And we are going to finish 2010 on a better note and stay positive into 2011. Storm’s ah-rooooos and dinner dances show me this is the right mindset. Storm deserves a positive and happy Mom as this helps him too. So I am not going to be sad. I am going to be happy that I have the resources to help him and enjoy every single day with him. And can’t forget Angelus! And if I add a few more treats into their days – oh well :)

Started an account on YouTube so now the world can see how awesome they are :) (actually did it because if I used my iPhone 4 to record the video, and then used the iPhone Facebook App to upload it to Facebook, you could NOT use your iPhone 4 to view it. Excellent.)

But more husky awareness is always good :)

I think Stormy is doing better today for sure. He woke up much more bright-eyed! I got him outside to pee even in the rain (he hates the rain.) Now, he didn’t eat his breakfast but he ate some ground turkey that I gave him separately, and then ate some cheese and a cookie. So he is eating some and just being picky it seems. I think he learned from his brother, that the medicine gets hidden in there and it tastes yucky. So I will not put it in his dinner and see how that goes. Supposedly, women are not supposed to touch his trilostane (his Cushings medicine) as it’s bad for child-bearing age women (like propecia is) but I have to since I have to get the pill back onto his tongue so he will swallow it. I think I’ve used 1/4 bottle of handsoap between yesterday and today to scrub my hands afterwards. Hopefully not really a big deal. Stormy has always been easy to give medicine to – just put it in his food. But this time notsomuch. Booger.

So I will try making him some turkey and rice for dinner today. And some for Angelus of course since it’s his birthday!!! He is 10 years old today!!! What a scooby! Poor buddy doesn’t get to have any fun though :( I can’t leave Storm so no walks and it’s raining anyway. But the rain also means no yard time even. That sucks. But I told him we will make it up to him! And we will for sure!

10 years ago, on New Year’s Eve day, we went and picked up Angelus. He was 7.5 weeks old. He was such a fluffy little monster. Now he is fluffy big monster :) He has been the best, most awesome dog ever. He was my Christmas present that year. There is simply no way I could ever get a better gift in my life than the gift of such an awesome friend. Angelus is very Siberian in that he is not overly affectionate with most people. He loves his pack but everyone else he could care less about. I guess he is kinda like me in that way :)

I used to carry that little booger to bed every night until I simply could not physically do it anymore. He has always come with me pretty much everywhere. For his first year, he went everywhere with me. Then we got Storm with the idea they would keep each other company and not have to come with me everywhere. Well…now they both come everywhere with me :)

Angelus is a brave bud. When he was still a little puppy, we were at the dog park. He has always loved playing with other dogs and being chased. He doesn’t care about balls or sticks. He wants something live to chase or to chase him. So he will always run up to other dogs to say “hi, play with me.” He was still pretty little – not even really “teen” size. A little puppy. A guy came to the dog park with 5 giant Rottweilers. Angelus ran straight over to them as they came in and just stood there blocking the entrance like “This is my park.” I was like ARGH! I mean – I assume if you are bringing them to the dog park they are friendly, but you just never know how dogs will react and I was still a new doggie mom. The Rottweilers all sniffed him and walked around him. The guy laughed and said I was going to have a handful with him as he shows no fear at all which is odd for a puppy. What a buddy.

He has never shown fear of any other dog ever. He is usually the peacekeeper and always goes over to tussles if they start at dog parks or the beach and gets in the middle of them to break them up. He never, ever starts fights. But he will finish them if necessary. He has attacked 2 German Shepherds who attacked Storm, attacked a pit/Rhodesian Ridgeback who attacked Storm, and ran straight at a pit bull who was off leash and running straight at me. When we saw the bear in our driveway, he wanted to follow him. He protects his pack :) Now…if you are a bumble bee, well….he is outta there! He and I were attacked by an organized army of yellow jackets. I have never seen anything like it. They literally chased us down to attack us. Was a very, very unpleasant experience for the both of us. And ever since then, when he hears that buzzing he takes off. I can’t really blame him. But it’s a bit funny that he would rather face a bear than a bee :)

I have a lot of fun stories about him. I have a LOT of cute pictures of him. Like…a lot :) He has been such a great friend. He is loyal and loves his pack. He loves chicken and cheese. He loves snow and running on the beach. He wants to run free (like huskies do) and investigate everything. He is very smart and can figure things out if he wants something. He can be very stubborn. I love him.

So happy birthday to my big buddy! I will get you your favorite treat tomorrow (McNuggets) and we will have beach fun! We will just consider this your birthday season and celebrate as much as we can since we can’t today.

An amazingly handsome guy:

Angelus at 7.5 weeks old

Angelus at 1 year old

Angelus in his natural element :)

Up and down throughout last night with Storm banging his cone around and me worrying about him, does he have a fever, how are his staples, is he in pain, does he have to go outside?

Awake with Angelus at 6am who wanted to go for his walk. And me sad to disappoint him with none so we can keep an eye on Storm.

Worrying about Storm throughout the day as he seemed in pain. Definitely much more so than his last surgery. It’s very obvious he is in more pain this time. But I guess being sliced open and having 2 chunks of your liver removed might not feel so great. Many web pages read about animal pain management and the drugs he got sent home with. Further stress follows…opiates are yikies! Both his pain patch and his oral pain meds are both considered controlled substances in come states! Zoinkies. I made sure he never left really my sight much so he could rest without his cone on and yet didn’t try to lick his staples. He seemed very warm, and then shivery this morning, but then temp was ok when I took it, but he was moaning/making little grunty sounds which I assumed was from pain/soreness (man…are human children this stressful?)

Back and forth checking on Angelus who was mopey without his AM Mom walk. And I hate to disappoint him when he is such a good boy. And tomorrow is his 10th birthday! Ten!! Man…what a buddy. And I have no chicken mcnuggets for him. I am a bad birthday husky mom :(

But could not leave Storm alone. Storm didn’t eat breakfast or dinner. He did eat a cookie I gave him and a chicken treat. But not interested in his regular kibble, ground turkey or chicken?? But he did eat a piece of cheese too. I will consider it just being picky for a day or two since the pain meds can supposedly make him not want to eat. And he is eating some things. But Storm not gobbling his food with his eyed bulging out of his head is an odd thing.

Then throw in up and down the stairs a million times to try and get chores done while not leaving Storm alone long enough for him to try and lick/chew his staples. I am sore, my body actually hurts, I’ve had pain in my stomach all day and I have had so little real sleep this week. BUT…Storm looks better tonight. More bright-eyed after a day of at-home, no-cone rest. He even did his kick, kick routine after peeing tonight before bedtime. And currently sound asleep with his feet in the air. So hopefully a little less stress and a little more sleep for him tonight. And then hopefully he is feeling a little better tomorrow. Poor little guy. But I do think he is feeling better tonight than last night! So it’s all worth it. I just hope Angelus will accept a belated birthday celebration. I think he will.

But for now…the huskies are sleeping and I think maybe I will try to read and likely fall asleep within minutes…

Spent another day at the vet hospital. Had to rush Storm to the vet this morning after his fever spiked (was 106.5 when he got there) and he wouldn’t even get up to go to the car. After another ultrasound and seeing the mass changing from yesterday, they booked him into surgery right away. They let us see him right before he went in. He was pretty drugged up and feeling pretty ok and all smiley…he just looked so cute and sweet sitting there like “what’s going on guys?” You have to hold it together though so he doesn’t feel your stress. Much easier said than done.

He was in surgery for 2 hours. They took 2 masses out – along with 2 lobes of his liver. It seems the blood flow to the mass was clotted/stopped so the tissue started dying on the inside. So the body fights back with the fever. They said the rest of his liver, along with the rest of his insides, looks great – tumor free. But it looked great last time and here we are 5 weeks later. The doctor said neither she nor the other doctors there have ever seen anything like this (they have been in the business a long time.) Great. Storm is always wanting to be different to get all of the attention….

They sent off the tissue to a lab in Davis. Supposedly one of the best with longtime Davis faculty now working there. The doctor said she will also have them look at the previous samples to see if anything could have been missed .

I also spoke with the surgeon who said he was a trooper and a fighter. He went over the details of the mass and removal and sounded very positive. The internal medicine doctor also sounded positive and said there was no reason to give up. But she also acknowledged that if they grow back again so fast, that is not good.

So back on cancer-watch. We will have results back tomorrow or Friday. But even if it’s not cancer, and the 2 tumor/masses were benign – so was the previous one. But they just keep growing and hurt him anyway. And this was FAST. Unheard of fast. Awesome.

But I have to stay positive. He made it through surgery with flying colors. The doctor called me tonight and said his fever was down to 100.5 (that’s normal for dogs) and his blood pressure and other vitals were all great. He is on some good painkillers so he is sleeping but has poked his head up to look around. She said he was doing very well.

So with 4 hours of sleep last night, and just too much stress and sadness this week, I will try and get some sleep tonight knowing he is getting his fluids and antibiotics and his fever is down, and the reason he had a fever is gone and out of his body. And I need to focus on that good news. Because I really cannot handle a what if they come back bad news scenario right now. I am generally a positive person but this little doggie just cannot catch a break lately and that is totally not right. He is just full of love and happiness and it’s just not right. So then I cry.  Because while I refuse to “need” anyone, I need my huskies. So staying focused on the fact that he came through his surgery successfully and we will go from here is important. Because he needs that. And so does Angelus, who misses his little buddy. And he will feel better when he gets out and home and that is what is important right now.

I picked up Storm this afternoon. His oncologist said he was a great patient and did very well. The receptionist joked with me that he was quite the dramatic boy and did a lot of awesome howling…I believe her version :)

The incision is HUGE! Wowza. In my head I was imagining 3-4 inches. I was clearly delusional. They basically opened most of him up. Yikes! But she said you need a lot of visual when in there to watch for bleeding, etc. Which I guess is true when I think about all those episodes of ER and Grey’s Anatomy I’ve seen :)

He has staples (not stitches) and is not allowed to lick them or mess with them. So when I can keep my eye on him, he can hang out. When not (sleepy time), it’s the dreaded cone of shame and his crate (which I need to go pull out and set up soon!) He hates the cone, although not as much as Angelus, who has figured out how to untie it and get it off.

He has to keep his staples in for 17-20 days. And no walks besides short, leashed potty breaks. No jumping or playing at all. That’s a lot of stored energy for a husky…but he can do it :)

His biopsies should be back by Friday. That’s what I’m stressed about. But I am very happy to have my little guy back at home safe and sound and will concentrate on that. He instantly fell asleep in the car and then again at home. So that is good. All that stress is bad for his Cushings! The doctor said he might not feel like eating for a day or 2 and not to worry. Umm…if Storm didn’t want to eat, I’d rush him to the emergency room! But no worries – he ate his dinner right up and then looked at me like “More please? Hello…I need energy to heal lady!”

Angelus ran up to see him as soon as we got home, sniffed him and said (with his eyes) “you stink like the hospital” and walked away. I’m pretty sure he even wrinkled his nose at him! Now that he knows his little brother is back home and safe, he can go back to ignoring him :)

So I just spoke with the specialist. She did another ultrasound before performing the biopsy and said he has a tumor about the size of a baseball in his liver. She said the rest of his liver looks good so she recommended not performing the biopsy since whether it’s benign or malignant doesn’t matter – it needs to come out. She said the tumor is what is causing his elevated enzymes. She said even if it is benign, and even though he is currently asymptomatic, it will continue to grow and will cause health issues for him in the future.

She said his blood clotting time (they had to test him today) is very good so risks for surgery are just the standard “anytime you go under there is a risk.” The other risk is that they can’t get all of the the cells of the tumor. This is why she doesn’t want to wait very long since as it gets bigger, it becomes more and more difficult to get all of out. The only other issue is Cushings dogs tend to heal slower.

So I am meeting with a surgeon at 3:30pm to go over the procedure, etc. I will pick him up today and schedule it for another day though.

I am officially completely freaked and stressed out.