Yesterday was my 12th wedding anniversary. Yikes. I’m old.
We were supposed to go up to Tahoe early Thursday (today) morning since a big snow storm was coming. But for some reason my husband didn’t want to drive up and potentially be stuck in the traffic/highway closures that have accompanied all the storms. I say “for some reason” because normally, he doesn’t care – he just wants to get up there into the fresh snow. So we stayed here and will try the drive up late Friday night/early Saturday morning depending on the weather/highway conditions. I was pretty excited to get up there for the storm but whatever. These are probably the last of the big winter (spring?) storms and I want some white, fluffy snow. But being stuck on the highway for 8 hours last Saturday was no fun either.
Husband had a dinner meeting Tuesday night. Around 5pm, he asked if I wanted to come. I was still at work and, since I took Monday off, I had a lot of stuff to do. Plus I got up at 5:30am, after not sleeping well again thanks to his snoring. And I was in my “drive into work from Tahoe” outfit of jeans and a sweater – not really “dinner in the city with business partners” clothes. Turns out (I found out the next day) his partner brought his wife so my husband was bothered that I didn’t go. Hi – she has no job. She stays at home, exercises and shops all day. Of course she could go to dinner in SF at the last minute. But yes – clearly that was my problem. I got home after 8pm from work and unpacked everything and ended up going to bed around 11:30pm and he was still not home. So yeah – that would have worked out well for me who gets up early.
Wednesday morning came and I got a “Happy Anniversary” as I was on my way out the door to work. He had just woken up since he got home so late. At work all day – no calls, no flowers, nothing. Ok. Whatever. He was with the same partners in meetings all day.
Around 4pm he texted and said we should go out to dinner and to pick a place. Ok. He got us a reservation at my favorite local sushi place for 8pm. I brought a bottle of bubbly since the last time we were there, they had actually run out of champagne (?) and I love the combo of sushi and champagne. Plus it was our anniversary.
We got there and had a nice dinner. I gave him his card and gifts, that I put time and effort into considering he is impossible to buy anything for. I got nada. Not even a card. A simple $2.00 card. Nothing. I guess dinner was it.
When we got home around 10:30ish – he went straight to his computer. I went to bed.
I’m pretty much come to the conclusion that this is the amount of effort he wishes to put into this. It made me sad. We’ve been together a long time. But things just die a slow death when you don’t care for them and put effort into them. I guess I shouldn’t care either then.
1:33 pm on March 24th, 2011
i’m sorry. did you tell him how you felt? perhaps not specifically about the lack of a present from him – but the fact that you have to put in the effort in a marriage/relationship in order to keep it “breathing”.
take care,
jojo
12:12 pm on March 25th, 2011
You’re not old – that’s a vintage! I’ll wish you congratulations too.
The collective we (ahem… the male of the species) are really quite dumb in this area. Without the collective you (the female of the species) it would be a 24/7 Quest for Fire or fraternity party. We often need a swift kick to the ba…er, a gentle reminder that sometimes the world doesn’t revolve around us.