Fell asleep last night pretty quickly around 11pm which might be the first time in 9 weeks that I’ve fallen asleep a) quickly and b) before midnight. But I knew it was a full moon so was not optimistic.
Woke up at 3:30am. Tossed and turned for an hour. Gave in and checked the futures, news, played my card trading games, daily Wordle. Considered just getting up and doing a Peloton ride. But I knew I’d be so exhausted later plus getting up early to exercise means going out for a hike. Finally pulled the blanket over my head around 6am after a final look at the market. And fell asleep. Woke up at 7:25am thinking it must be 10. Woke up, traded furiously for 15 minutes (did well so yay) and spent the next couple of hours trying to make the day seem normal again. Sleep has been so out of sync.
Did my Peloton ride at 10:30. Errands after the market closed – yes Safeway was a nightmare (the snow sucks why are there so many fn tourists here???) Actually locked my car – I used to not even think about it since Smokey was there – sticking his head out the window. Wasn’t terribly worried about anyone trying to break in with a wolf-looking creature staring back at them from the back seat. Got home, then did a 2+ hour walk. Opened my mail, put away final winter decor (dumb to keep fighting it I guess) and brought out Easter decor for no good reason. Showered and made dinner and sat down around 7:30 to watch a show. That I cannot concentrate on.
Stayed pretty busy today. Again. Keep staying busy even with lack of good sleep. But I don’t care about any of it. All I wish I could do was go on a hike with Smokey. Remembered our last hike up at Coldwater – was beautiful. I remember the pics I took but know I cannot look at them now. I miss just walking in the forest with him. Knowing we had each other’s back. Knowing he was there.
Plus realized next week will be 10 years since Angelus left me. I truly wish I could crawl in bed and stay there.
