Every day I try to get up early now, look at the markets, look at my games, trade, exercise, stay busy, work on home projects, exercise again, make dinner, binge watch shows, read, etc etc etc.
I stay busy. I keep my brain occupied. I chit chat on my walks and it feels good to be out of head. It’s why I need the Peloton apps on my alone walks, and TV on when I’m at home. No quiet time.
Because when I let my brain relax, when things are quiet, I get sad. And I cry. And I know it’s healthy to let it out. But every night seems bad.
So I try not to sometimes.
And I’m pretty tired. Really, really, tired.
What I want is to spend the say curled up in bed, or on the sofa, under blankets in the dark watching TV or sleeping. And I tell myself I am going to do that tomorrow. But then I do not. Because that is not healthy.
No matter what bad shit has happened in my life, I have not allowed myself more than a NyQuil dose of sleep.
Still tired though.
