The phenomenon of starting to sob out of nowhere is weird. Very weird.
I’ll have eaten dinner, cleaned up, putting away some stuff – all perfectly fine. Then I sit down and start to sob. Not tear up. Not get a little sad. Sob. Or working on project, cleaning, take a shower, whatever. And with no obvious trigger, sobbing.
I must have done this with Angelus. I can recall the complete desolation I felt then. But I do not recall the out of the blue sobbing. I do recall crying after losing Stormy, especially when I would be watching Shadow and it was time for him to go. But that had an impetus.
But it’s quite possible that I have candy-coated those memories because then I had Smokey to make me smile very day. So the pain felt then is no longer the top. But now it is. And now there is no candy coating. I just miss my best pal so much. It hurts. He was there for me every day. All day. All of the time.
This…this is just deep sadness. I guess. One could say it’s been almost 7 weeks. One could also say it’s only been 7 weeks. I don’t know. Just sad.
