Just when I think I might be a little bit better, I realize that I am not. At all.
4 weeks ago I was at the vet all day with Smokey. 4 weeks and 1 day ago, everything was great.
But I do not even remember Saturday night 4 weeks ago. I remember bringing him home after 6pm. I remember he was sedated and I wanted him to sleep. Hopefully getting rest so his body would heal. Even a little.
I remember coming home. And I remember setting up camp on the sofa to watch him all night. But what did I do all evening? Did I skoosh him? Did I tell him I loved him? I don’t know. All I am doing is crying right now. Why didn’t I just lay down with him all evening? And all night? Was I hoping that all would be better in the morning? I knew better. What the fuck did I do? I want to throw up.
