Tried going on a walk yesterday. Was going to try in the early AM – but could not. Really not ready for that yet. Had appliance repair showing up anytime after 11am so told myself after they were done, I could go. They were gone by 1pm and I got dressed to go. But did not.
At 4pm, I said I had to do this. Even just a short one. Got out, walked up the street about 4 houses and saw my neighbor and her 2 dogs (Smokey’s good friends). They were so happy to see me it was impossible not to smile. She invited me back to her house for dinner and wine and I just said yes without thinking.
It was nice to see another human, skoosh buddies, kind of talk it out in between talking about other random subjects like TV shows. Share Veuve. Walked home around 10pm but sad instantly when I got home. Finally fell asleep around midnight.
Did not sleep well.
Had a complete breakdown around 10am. Good times.
It’s been so hard for me to do anything. My brain is unfocused. Foggy. Whether it’s trading, researching stocks, crypto (took me 3 days to manage to complete a swap that should have taken 10 minutes), home projects, even placing a stupid Sephora order. I cannot complete anything – I start, I get sad or distracted or just zone out. I pace all the damn time because I cannot just sit down. But when I think about actual exercise – I can’t. Basically – a fn mess.
Had to go to the dentist this afternoon, and then Ace for more ice melt and then pick up mail. Got home and said ok – I’m already dressed so I need to go out for a walk. And I did. Actually texted same neighbor and she was just going out on her walk so we did our “short neighborhood loop”. Then saw another other neighbor out with his dog. Told me they were getting worried about me and that he was so happy to see me out. We chatted about random stuff and then dogs.
Glad I went out on a cold afternoon walk. Glad I saw people. But sad again.
Thursday is Chicago PD day. And I have a Boba Fett ep. Will try to distract myself. And try to get to sleep early. I think 2 days of talking to other humans exhausted me. Or maybe it was just multiple conversations of how I am doing. Which is not great but no one wants to hear that.
