a99kitten's Musings

I blog about a WHOLE LOT of stuff :)

Last Saturday at this time, my life changed for the worse. Smokey had his seizure. On 1 hand, I cannot even believe it’s already been a week. But then on the other, it feels like so long since I’ve seen him.

Weekends will suck for awhile – I don’t have the stock market to focus on. And doing anything else will remind me that Smokey is not here.

Yesterday I picked him up from the vet. Tried to keep it together but I did not. Got McDonald’s, watched some Big Bang Theory and then The Eternals. Tried to keep my brain on other things because I knew if I thought about the box I brought home, I would lose it again. And I did – right before going to bed.

Going to bed is hard – I always skooshed him goodnight as he sighed like “again mom?” Asked him if he needed peepee before sleepies. Skooshed him again. Then he always got up and checked to see if I was in bed. Then he’d go back to sleep.

But waking up is just as hard because he came in and woke me up every morning. And I skooshed him then. And asked him what walk he wanted to do and we got up, got ready and were out of the house. Now I just wake up. I’ve changed out of my pajamas 2x this week.

Helen goes home tomorrow and then I will truly be alone in the house. I am not looking forward to that.

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