a99kitten's Musings

I blog about a WHOLE LOT of stuff :)

Still not doing so well. Trying to stay busy, not give myself too much quiet time to think about loss. Stare at stocks, crypto, trade Star Wars cards, put away Christmas stuff (which always makes me sad anyway).

Still haven’t been able to put away any dog stuff. But seeing it every day makes me sad too. No win situation.

Helen is still here and that has made things a lot easier. Probably saved my sanity. I’m not alone here. But I know when she leaves, and I wake up in an empty house, or go out and come back to an empty house, or look around and see no one, I will hit a wall.

It took about 6 months for me to look at Angelus’ pictures and not cry. And I still had Stormy with me. After losing Storm, I’d watch Shadow frequently. And went down to the bay area regularly. But I do remember the sadness of coming home to an empty house.

Now? I’m not sure what I’ll do. The market is garbage so pretty tough to keep my mind focused on that. I do have a ton of chores and projects I want done, and that will help I guess, but that won’t fix having no buddy to hug goodnight. Or having a wet nose wake me up every AM. Or having a constant presence in my life who always wanted to know where I was, or take me on long walks or just come over to make sure I was OK.

Just alone now.

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