A friend sent me this saying he thought it was fitting for my blog with my obvious love of shoes :)
There are many unsolved mysteries in the world—Stonehenge, the final resting place of Jimmy Hoffa, the Hodge conjecture, and why when cows laugh, milk doesn’t come out of their noses. Still, these mysteries are shared irrespective of gender. Only a precious few mysteries exhibit gender bias, where one sex simply cannot fathom what appears so obvious to the other.
Near the top of this list is man’s seemingly complete inability to understand women’s love of shoes. And I mean LOVE, love. I mean, “helloooo lover” love. Make no mistake, men understand women love shoes—black shoes, pink shoes, peep toe pumps, espadrilles, mary janes, pumps, ballet flats, sandals, stilettos, flip-flops, wedges, strappy high heels, and boots (ok, these fascinate most men as well, btw, although likely for different reasons). For every significant other with whom a women shares a closet or apartment or house, however, stands a man baffled by the mystery that is this love affair.
To enable us to nod politely at each other in quiet recognition the next time the conversation turns to shoes, let me put this love of shoes into terms only a man could fully understand. This new knowledge will be shared for generations and someday used for good. Simply put, women love shoes the same way men love women. To understand women’s love of shoes, men simply need to know the greatness of women’s shoes parallels the potential of women at their greatest:
– You can choose one for any occasion
– They come in different heights and colors to suit your needs
– They would support your every move
– They would be soft where you want them to be and firm in all the right places
– They would never step out without you
– You could have a lot of them without significant consequence
– They would ask for little except to be worn out through a day of hard pounding
– The slightest of bad odors would perfectly match your own
– Any disease they would give you, you gave first
– Their adornment in jewels would both heighten their beauty and your class
– Even if you walk all over them, they would still sit by your bedside and be ready for you the next day
– Even when flat, they rock that look
– You could use the nickname F Me Pumps and everyone would understand
– You could get multiple pairs in a single day
– They would often reveal just enough to intrigue you…. to titillate….
– You would know exactly how much they’ll cost you
– They would often come in leather
– When not seen for a long time, they would give you renewed hope and wonder when you do gaze upon them again, offering to be there when the time (and outfit) is right
– If one wore out, you could easily get another
– YOU could choose how tight or loose the grip they get to have on you
– They don’t care if you are with others; they’ll be at home waiting for their turn
– They have depth and texture that invites you in but can only be truly seen when close
– They come as twins—standard
While non-exhaustive (and feel free to add to the list), I’m sure men around the world can feel a little bit more at ease understanding that much more easily women’s fascination with shoes. Now, Hoffa’s shoes? I’m guessing cement….
