a99kitten’s Musings

I blog about a WHOLE LOT of stuff :)

One of my neighbor’s dogs passed away this morning. He was rushed to the ER in Reno Wednesday night and it turns out he had the same issue that Angelus died from. An “aggressive tumor” on his spleen that ruptured and bled out. The dog loses so much blood into their abdomen and too quickly to replenish. They gave him a blood transfusion and after he stabilized yesterday, they removed his spleen. But he was still critical. I just learned of it last night as they have been at the vet this whole time until they came home for some rest last night.

With Angelus, he had just had his annual physical, was 100% healthy and acting the crazy husky he always was. There was 1 instance of him waking up in the middle of the night with a yelp. It was about 2 weeks before he died. I woke up, looked for any injuries and he was fine. But he seemed off. Not terribly – but off. I took him to the vet and we thought maybe he tweaked his leg in the middle of the night or something because they couldn’t find a single thing wrong with him. I wonder if the tumor had a small tear then.

Later, my vet acknowledged that it could have been that. But 2 weeks for it to fully rupture with him acting normal would be pretty long so unlikely. But I will always wonder. And that I should have delved more into it. But I was in the middle of an office move and was so busy and tired – I figured he was fine. Like he always was. I will never forgive myself for that. Or anything else associated with that stupid office move.

But my vet (who knew Angelus since 8 weeks) said statistically, the dog would have more tumors. And if they make it through the spleen removal, then you have other decisions to make. And if Angelus would have been sick, confined to bed rest after surgeries or chemo or just plain not doing well – he would have hated that. I know that.

With Tucker, the dog next door, he was much younger than Angelus. And I feel so bad for his parents. They have a bit of a situation like I did – Angelus was the healthy 1 and Stormy was the one with health issues we were always worried about. They have an older dog who I know they have been worried about. So the shock that comes with this is what hurts even more.

I remember when they brought him home, after losing their oldest Golden. He was a good friend to Angelus and Storm but he has been an even better one to Smokey. Tucker and his older brother Jameis were Smokey’s first friends after I brought him home. He met them out in the back forest and instantly took to them. He *always* ran up to them as soon as he saw them. He could smell when they were abut to come outside if we were already out and would pull towards their door. Tucker, being a Golden, was a food hound. And he always ran to me first because he knew I had the cookies. But he was a sweet boy who was always just a giant wagging tail.

And the weird thing is the past 2 days Smokey has been pulling towards their house and whining even though they weren’t outside. It’s like he could sense something was wrong. I really never doubt animal senses anymore. They know a lot more than humans in some ways.

Rose Kennedy (NOT my favorite family but she certainly experienced loss) said something that in my opinion is 100% fact…

“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”

I know they are very sad today. I remember feeling numb. And sick. And there is simply nothing anyone can say to make you feel better in any way. Time is the only thing that helps. We lose our furry friends way too quickly.

Between our beloved fur-kids that die young, species being hunted to extinction and kids with cancer or other life-ending diseases but then pedophiles, rapists, terrorists and murders walking around hurting/killing others and people like Charles Manson STILL breathing on the government tit, what other proof do you need that life is simply not set up to be fair. Ever.

Just watched tonight’s episode of Big Bang Theory. Wow. You caught me off guard guys. I’m still sniffling.

I hate to admit that I had kind of forgotten that the actress died. And when Howard mentioned his Mom, I thought to myself right then “oh, that’s how they will deal with it. Have her away, etc. She didn’t appear on the show so maybe even find another voice.” Yes. I thought it during tonight’s episode. It’s Hollywood. They do that.

Then Mrs. Wolowitz died. And I got instantly sad. The actors did a great job of being very sad and remaining in character.

When Sheldon said “When I lost my own father, I didn’t have any friends to help me through it. You do.”, it made me cry and smile at the same time. When my brother died, my friends are the ones who got me through it.

Them. And Big Bang Theory. I watched repeats every single night for several months. It was the only thing I could watch without getting sad. The only thing besides my huskies that could make me smile at all.

That was a great episode tonight.

Now I need to go get all this dust out of my eyes.

RIP Carol Ann Susi AKA Mrs. Wolowitz #fuckcancer

It’s been 1 year since I adopted Smokey. He has 2 different birthdays (Feb and April) on his old vet records so we don’t know when his actual birthday is or his age (2 different years). So this means I am using his adoption date as his birthday and I decided on his age (6) :)

On January 27th 2014, my ex and I went to look at 4 dogs, all available through NorSled (where we adopted Shadow.) I brought them with me so we could see how Shadow interacted with the dogs. He was going to have to be friends with him (or her) so best to have him help interview too!

Smokey was the first dog we met as he was in the Woodland area and the rest were in the bay area. So we met him on the way down. When I walked in and met him and hung out with him for a short time, I instantly loved him. He was not black & white, like all of the others I was going to see that day and he was not as fluffy as Angelus and Storm or Shadow and we had no idea of his mix beyond husky and/or malamute mix. But he was the sweetest guy ever. I left there to go look at the others to make sure I wasn’t just taking the 1st dog I met since losing Stormy in August but I knew I loved him.

Met 3 other fantastic dogs who were all gorgeous, lovable, sweet and needed homes but Smokey stayed in my mind. So after all day of driving and meeting dogs and foster moms and dads (and frankly I think Shadow was getting stressed thinking he was being dropped off somewhere!), we decided to stop and eat for the 1st time that day. Buffalo Wild Wings. Mmmmm.

I sat there thinking how would I feel if I drove home and didn’t get Smokey – and I felt immediately sad. So we called the foster mom and told her we were coming back to see him again – this time letting Shadow have more time with him. We took Smokey and Shadow for a walk along with the foster mom – who I think was sad to lose Smokey (she was originally going to keep him but that didn’t work out for non-Smokey reasons).

That was it – I decided then to do it. Signed all of the paperwork, wrote a check and loaded him in the car. Had Shadow in the backseat and Smokey in the back back. I think Shadow was starting to wonder what the heck. But he did get along best with Smokey as well. I think he was most happy I didn’t get the girl husky as she was half his size but kept kicking his butt as female huskies are likely to do!

First night in his new home!

First night in his new home!

Got home around 11pm. Smokey was pretty stressed – obviously. New house after stranger took him away from his mom of 11 months. We woke up 3 or 4 times during the night. I was worried he had to go potty, but I think he just wanted to walk back to his old house.

It took a few days for him to calm down a little and settle into a routine but I’m good at routines :) Angelus and Storm trained me. He still gets stressed when his routine changes. But he has settled into a pretty darn calm and happy guy :) And honestly, he has been a dream. How anyone could have not wanted to keep him (and hurt and abandon him) is beyond me. He had gone through several homes and all this proves to me is that people generally suck and most probably have no business being responsible for a pet rock. But I’m a wee bit cynical.

After losing Angelus and then Storm, I was pretty sad for a time there. Now, I am happy literally every day. And I hope he feels the same way. I’m pretty sure he does. :)

His 1st snow! 1/30/14

His 1st snow! 1/30/14

1st beach visit at Mavericks! 2/14

1st beach visit at Mavericks! 2/14

Full of smiles :)

Full of smiles :)

Snow fun with Shadow 1/15

Snow fun with Shadow 1/15

Happy Birthday Smokey Dokey :)

His daily adventures can be followed at http://packdog.com/smokeydokey

And anyone can donate to NorSled. These people work endlessly to find northern breeds homes from bad (and sometimes VERY bad) situations and need every penny: http://www.norsled.org/how-to-help/

These shoes were $525 in 2008. They are $965 now. Do NOT tell me there is no inflation. #governmentlies

Manolos

I am very sad tonight.

Robin Williams died. I read it first on forum for toys that I am part of. Funny place to see that news. I instantly searched twitter, because that’s far more reliable and instant than any news site or Facebook, and saw actual news stories from “respected” outlets (so not a twitter hoax which is just a f***ing mental dickness of some people. No…that is not a typo.)

And I got very, instantaneously sad.

When celebrities/famous people have died in the past, I can reflect on the loss. I can say “oh man…that sucks.” But I generally don’t get truly sad. I didn’t know them. They were people I watched from afar. They were figments of TV or movies or whatever. Ronald Reagan made me sad but in a “he was very old so not unexpected” kind of way. More of a loss of an ideal. It is sad they are gone, but more for the people actually in their lives than me.

But perhaps it’s because as people, we grow up watching these actors or singers. We go through our lives and they become part of it through memory. I know that I remember watching Good Morning Vietnam with my Mom and my little brother, both who I have lost.

I remember watching Mork & Mindy as a kid. With my parents. My Mom who is gone and my dad is who is in a nursing home – essentially gone.

I remember watching Mrs Doubtfire and The World According to Garp with my brother. And Hook. And Moscow on the Hudson. And Dead Poets Society. The Birdcage! Of course Goodwill Hunting. Or creepazoid One Hour Photo and Insomnia.

And oh my god Death to Smoochy had my brother and me rolling on the floor laughing as we talked about it. And holyhell the doctor in Nine Months!

And yes, I did enjoy his new show The Crazy Ones. And not just because it was with Buffy. I loved him. I’ve loved watching Robin Williams in anything since I was a kid. Heck – I even liked his Law And Order: SVU guest starring role. #notahappy

He was great in everything. I loved when he was on talk shows because he was able to take any subject, at any time, and run with it. Pure genius.

So maybe when we get so emotional about celebrities dying, it’s not only because we know we have lost the enjoyment they bring us when we watch them, but also what it represents in our own lives. The memories it stirs up. The ones we have truly lost in our own lives. Whether through death, or them leaving you. Family, friends, beloved doggies.

So yeah..I am very sad tonight.

One year ago, 8/2/13, I lost my buddy Stormy. Stormn. Stormn Norman. Hoth Stormtrooper.

I still miss him every day. I still think about him every day. He was my little guy with the biggest heart. He could be a little punk, but loved people. And loved attention. And loved his momma. And people loved him. He brought joy to a lot more than just me. And I know that.

But I do still miss him (and his brother) every single day. And some days are sad. But I cannot help but smile every time I look at his little face :)

Storm

Storm

Monster in cute puppy clothing...the day Angelus picked him :)

Monster in cute puppy clothing…the day Angelus picked him :)

Storm and Angelus on bed

…I lost one of my best friends. He taught me that every day should be fun. That every day should have smiles. Rain, hail, snow (obviously) or shine. And if it doesn’t, you are doing it wrong.

One of my twitter friends, who I finally got to meet at Comic Con last year with his wife, made this video for me. And for Angelus. I put off watching it because I knew I would be a wreck. And while I’m bawling like a baby, I can’t believe how sweet and truly awesome, it is.

I still miss you buddy. Every day.

Handsome snow guy :)

Handsome snow guy :)

Been a weird day. Made some good (great actually) trades. Had fun in the snow with Shadow. But I felt weird too. Didn’t know why really. Then just received an email from our real estate agent that the our counter offer was accepted and the bay area house is now is escrow.

Funny./.same lady who made the very first offer that we rejected. We pulled it off the market in December for 3 weeks, painted it, put it back on last week and had 3 offers. OK. Same house….whatever. But then the lady who made the very first offer ended up making the best final offer.

I am happy. Cash money. Cash money is great. And I hate the bay area so good riddance.

But I got sad too. It was the first house my ex and I bought after being married for a year. The house we lived in for years and raised the huskies in. It will be always be Angelus’ yard – we hung out in that yard on his very first day and he always loved it. Always laid with his head in the fence, looking like the Prisoner of Zenda, as he surveyed what was going on. Even on his very last day.

And Stormy will always sleeping in the downstairs hallway and complain when I tell him it’s sleepytime. And on the upstairs deck…even in the foggy mist.

I won’t miss the house. Or the area. The view was great though. And the memories will be forever.

New Year’s Eve was a bit weird. First NYE spent without my (ex)husband in 17 years. And since Shadow was with his Dad last night, first without my doggies in 13 yrs. Picked up Angelus on New Year’s Eve in 2000 and spent the night sleeping on the kitchen floor with him (even though I was sick) as he was missing his doggie mom and puppy pack on his first night away. But I think our bond was created that night as he always loved me most :)

I had several invites for parties but didn’t feel like driving anywhere with any drunkards on the road. So I went to the closest friends home – they live about 5 minutes away. Super nice couple who decked out the house in NYE decorations. As the husband put it – Party City threw up on the house ;) Yummy Thai food brought in and champagne punch plus a lot of other liquor concoctions that I did not try. 2 tea cups of punch was it for me!

It was 6 couples – all with little kids or babies. And me. Doh. All the women started talking about babies and breast feeding and pregnancy (1 was pregnant with 2nd on way) so I mostly hung out with the husbands talking football. Then somehow the ladies all migrated into the conversation and the hippie lady started in on corporate greed and why the bay area is sooooooo much better than anywhere else aaaaaand so I had to chime in on those subjects…. Got the ladies to leave that convo and started talking football again! I was exhausted so left around 10:30 and ended up reading the New Year in.

I say good riddance to 2013. I won’t say it was an awful year. I moved up to Tahoe full time (yay!) Did pretty well in my trading (but didn’t hit my goal – boo.) Did a lot of hiking (need to do more.) Had fun with my friends (although not enough.) And most importantly, got my “annual” (every 5 yrs) physical and a clean bill of health.

But I also lost Stormy in August. And my divorce was finalized. For someone who isn’t a fan of change (that would be me), it’s been a bit tough. Sheldon (Big Bang Theory…if you don’t watch it yet, you should) is a big fan of homeostasis. And so am I.

But I’m also pretty tough. And I certainly do not have anything to complain about in my life. Other than I feel it is grossly unfair that dogs don’t live long enough.

So let’s go 2014. I’m ready.

Every day over the last 2 weeks, I have seen news “news” stories about why people will argue over Thanksgiving because of discussing politics, healthcare, etc, etc. Things are pretty polarized right now and the media loves nothing more than to stoke that even more.

How about this? Apply the old adage of do not discuss politics (or religion in some cases) at the dinner table. If you know people disagree with you, and you won’t be changing anyone’s mind just like they won’t be changing yours, why ruin a family holiday/dinner/get together with subjects you KNOW are bombs.

Yes, it’s nice to be right. And of course you feel you are (I know I do!) :) But entering into a losing battle is stupid. And throw in alcohol consumption and you’ve got yourself a doozy. So just stop. Even if that ignorant, know-nothing uncle, aunt or in-law keeps pushing your buttons. It’s not worth it. Because then everyone gets angry. And looks dumb. And there is a good chance those people will leave early anyway to make sure they get in line for their cheap junk because THAT’S what the holidays are all about – not enjoying the day spending time with family.

And all the kids listening to the bickering? They will have another memorable family get together. Which is why when they grow up, they have Friendsgiving.